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February/March
1992, the Persian Gulf
Dan
pulled the towel from around his hips and threw himself down
onto the mattresses, lit fag dangling from the corner of his
mouth. His hair dripped water onto the blankets, with single
drops rolling over his skin. Vadim put the shining boot down
to marvel at the toned skin, and wrapped up the polishing
kit.
"So,"
Dan inhaled, "fancy a stint to my home country before
heading to France?" Exhaling with a sound of contentment.
He'd just come back from a particularly gruelling shift, and
the first moment of relaxation was always the best. Right
after wolfing down the food.
"Scotland?"
Vadim had learned several Dan did not really consider himself
a 'Brit', and that it seemed to count for something to call
him Scottish or even Scots.
"Aye,
Scotland. Land of the Brave." Dan grinned, stretched
his legs all the way down to his toes before flopping back
into a boneless heap. "We'll be in Europe anyway, and
I'd like you to see some of the most beautiful parts of Scotland,
especially the Highlands. Show you my peasant roots."
He laughed.
"But
you are my favourite peasant, Dan. Too much culture would
spoil you, and make you moody, like I am." Vadim rested
his arms on his knees, studying Dan doing his best cat impression:
lying there like he didn't have a care in the world. He looked
like he could revert from awake to asleep within a split second.
"I'd like to see it."
"Good,
that means we'll have a look at Edinburgh and instead of going
to every bloody museum and historical site I get to enjoy
the pubs, aye? And then, of course, off to the North. I want
you to see the area I come from. It's just a tiny village,
though, nothing interesting." Stubbing his cigarette
out in a makeshift ashtray, Dan pulled a couple of pillows
close and propped himself up.
Vadim
smiled, but the thought struck him that, if it was such a
tiny village, they would run into friends, acquaintances,
and the whole host of Dan's contacts from his youth, childhood,
and whatever time he'd spent there on R&R. And his family,
obviously. His face darkened at the thought and there was
unrest, suddenly. "We should be subtle. About ... us.
About what we are to each other."
"Huh?
What do you mean?" Dan's brows furrowed, scratching his
scarred abs.
"Your
family. If we meet them ... they don't know you are homosexual,
or do they?"
"Why
would we meet my family?" Dan's brows rose even higher,
completely forgetting the second part.
"Do
they still live in that village? Why else are you going there?"
Vadim felt he was on thin ice, somehow. Of course a visit
to the home village would mean a visit to the family. What
else? And why not? It would be rude to not at least pay a
visit.
"Aye,
they do." Dan shrugged, "but wasn't exactly planning
on staying over." Reaching for a water bottle, he took
his time unscrewing the cap. "Last time I saw my brother,
wife and kids, was when I visited my father shortly before
he died. I was on R&R from Afghanistan." Tipping
the bottle to his lips, he took an even longer time drinking.
"It was right after the shit with the Muja corpses."
Wiping his lips, "that's, what, how many years ago? Can
you remember?"
"Five
or six?" Vadim realised it was guesswork. He didn't know.
He didn't want to remember, had pushed Afghanistan as far
away as he could.
"Hmm
84? Hang on, I forgot, I actually went up again in
87, when I got out of the army. Went to see my brother to
settle some finances. I think that might be about it. Makes
it five years." Dan shrugged, while Vadim didn't want
to think about when his father would die. He was old, even
frail by now, but he might still have five, ten, or fifteen
years in him. Years spent away from his ex-daughter-in-law,
with his brother and other relatives. But in essence, his
'old man' as the Yanks called it, was alone. A disturbing
thought. "So, just that brother and his family? Are you
not on good terms?"
"Sure
I am, my brother has been dealing with my finances for years.
He was the one who invested my money in property and sold
the houses for good profit when I needed the cash." Dan
shrugged. "He's a good guy, but I'm just not close with
my family. Never got to see them regularly. Was always out
and about, and figured it was a damn lot easier to stay away
in case I got killed. Don't want anyone to shed a tear, aye?"
He produced a mock-cheerful grin.
Vadim
frowned, then sat down next to Dan, to run a hand through
his hair. He hadn't realized all those years that Dan had
been completely alone even at home. It made his guts clench.
To refuse human contact only to make sure that he wouldn't
be missed. He was speechless, shocked.
"Hey,"
Dan poked Vadim's ribs. "What's up? Did you think I was
doing the job, all on my own for all those years, with a big
loving family behind me?" He laughed without humour.
"No,
but I didn't think it was that bleak. I thought there was
... more for you." More? Like a loving, supportive wife
that watched his back and lived a lie?
"More?
What the hell would that be? I fucked bimbos, got pissed with
mates. Stuffed holes left right and centre, that's all I wanted
and needed. Until
" He trailed off and mock-punched
Vadim's ribs, more a gentle touch than anything. "No
one at home knew what I was really doing. OK, SAS and all
that shit, and my father was bloody proud, but I was on secret
missions, and you know as much as I do that it's better for
everyone on the outside not to know too much. Safer. For them,
for me." He shrugged and smiled. "Besides, I got
you, and now you're on my side, I have all I need."
"I
was on your side for quite a while longer", said Vadim
with that rare, tender smile. "Only not official. And
not quite exclusive, but I've been yours for a long time now."
Dan smiled,
leaned his head against Vadim's. "But you're mine now
with all the bells and whistles, aye?"
"Official,
blood and guts, breath and everything else." Vadim lay
back on his elbows, taking Dan's head with him, looking thoughtful.
"Do you want to visit your brother, then?"
"Do
you think I should?"
"Wouldn't
it be rude if you didn't? He's your brother. Just, you know,
catching up. I can stay at the hotel while you meet him and
his family, it's no problem."
Dan laughed
again, this time the humour was back. "There are no hotels
as far as I remember. Just B&Bs. Guess they'd be looking
funny at us if we booked a double room."
"Then
we'll book singles."
"Nope."
Dan shook his head, "no fucking way."
Strange,
Vadim thought, that it was easier to live as a couple in a
mercenary camp than in one's own hometown. Well, 'easier'
as in getting beaten up, ambushed, constantly sneered at -
until the point when one had actually proven that one had
more balls than the rest of them. "It's no problem."
"As
I said, no fucking way. I'd rather not go back." Sitting
up, Dan studied Vadim. "I don't give a shit what my family
knows or not. I never told them I'm gay because it didn't
matter to me if they knew or not. Besides, back then I wasn't
quite
" Dan shrugged, couldn't find the right word,
"anyway, five years ago I wasn't as much 'me' as I am
now. So, we either fucking go as who we are, or we don't fucking
go at all."
"Oh
damn." Vadim shook his head. "What would you say?
'This is Vadim, my gay partner'?"
"No.
More like 'this is Vadim. My partner'. Bloody unnecessary,
the 'gay' part, isn't it?"
Vadim
felt another wave of dread, just the thought of being exposed
again, of seeing people - family - shocked, appalled and disgusted
again. Why not simply let them live? Leave them their illusions?
"Why hurt or disturb your family, Dan? For what? Why
can't we just keep a low profile?"
"Why
the fuck would they be hurt by who I am? And what the
fuck does that matter to them? I am fucking me!
If they have a fucking problem with that, they can shove it
up their fucking arses." Dan had gone from mellow to
extremely pissed off in a nanosecond.
Because.
Everybody had a problem with it. Vadim remembered too well
the hurt in his father's eyes, the 'how could we have helped
you', the guilt, the shame. He didn't want to go through that
again.
"It's
their problem, not mine. If you want to get through
your bloody life lying all the way, then guess what, Russkie,
you can do it on your fucking own." Dan sat up, tense,
dark eyes on fire.
"It's
just that it's nobody else's business, Dan." Vadim stood,
needed to take the brunt of the rage standing. Lying. No,
just keeping a low profile. It wasn't lying. Not technically.
"Why do we have to go ... out of our way to rub it in
their faces?"
"What
the fucking fuck do you mean with rubbing it into their
faces?" Dan jerked, as if wanting to get up as well,
but remained sitting, fists at his side. "I just am who
I am, what the motherfucking fuck's 'rubbing' about that?
Every stupid dripping cunt can eat the fucking face of her
fucker in public, but if I simply turn up with my partner,
that's 'rubbing it in'?" Dan did finally get up, naked
or not, he was fuming with rage. "Fuck you, together
with them, if that's your idea of leading your life."
Fuck
you. Vadim's words died in his throat. He knew he was
being a coward and now he was ashamed of that, too. He'd either
get all that disgust, or Dan's rage. Dan was pushing him into
it, but he just couldn't do it. He'd be ashamed either way,
for what he was, for what he felt. Degenerate. Coward. Broken.
He couldn't meet that bristling gaze, looked to the side instead.
Standing there, feeling cold and numb. "Need shower",
he pressed out, trying to make it sound normal and reached
for his shower kit. Retreating so fast that, yes, the fact
that it was 'running away' was really damned obvious.
Dan was
still raging, even when Vadim had fled. Pacing the few yards
in the hut, to and fro, while smoking a fag, and then another.
Finally grabbing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, he got his
feet into trainers and stormed out of the hut with the third
fag between his teeth and a water bottle under his arm. Knackered
from the shift, knees aching, but he had to get rid of the
aggression that was eating him up from the inside. Couldn't
understand why the fuck Vadim behaved like such a coward,
and what the fuck was bad about being together? If they'd
survived the likes of Midge and his cronies, emerging victorious,
what the hell was wrong with being who they were and being
together?
He got
himself into the gym, and ignoring the aches and pains of
his aging body, he beasted it in a merciless regime, with
more weights than he usually used, and many more repeats.
Vadim
had a long, drawn-out shower, which didn't quite relax him.
He could still feel that dread in his body, a very physical
reaction. Body so tensed up from it, he felt stiff and weakened.
Eventually he returned, to find Dan gone. Jean hadn't seen
him, nobody seemed to have, and the Mess tent was also devoid
of Dan. Left the gym. Vadim walked there and, sure enough,
Dan, in the process of working his muscles so hard that he'd
ache in a million places tomorrow. Vadim inhaled deeply, stepped
behind the bench on which Dan was lying, and took the weight
from his grip when Dan started to struggle pushing it up.
Apart from another guy in the corner doing pull-ups, they
were pretty much alone.
Dan was
looking up, straight at Vadim. Face drenched in sweat, he
said nothing.
Vadim
crouched near Dan's head, elbows on thighs, head lowered,
speaking in a hushed tone. "I'm not ready for that. I
... when I see that disgust, it still ... hurts me. I can't
just shrug it off like you can. They ... called me all these
things. The KGB. They said homosexual ... activity would extend
my jail sentence. They insinuated ... things. Like I'd slept
my way up, that I enjoyed to debase myself by getting fucked,
that I'd raped my son ... all these things. I'm not ... not
ready to face that kind of thing again, Dan. I'm not strong
enough. I'm not like you." He stood, turning away because
the dread was worse, had transformed into weakness, leaden
weakness, the feeling and taste of defeat.
Dan did
nothing, lay there, silent. Too shocked to the core to move
a muscle. He hadn't ... hadn't known ... couldn't even make
sense of any of his thoughts. Got finally up, felt more shattered
than could have been caused by his workout. Every movement
worth a lifetime of dread.
He still
didn't say anything when he got up and wiped his face with
the edge of his soggy t-shirt. Not even when he placed his
hand into the small of Vadim's back. Finally a word, just
one. "Come." Leading Vadim out of the gym and back
towards the hut.
Vadim
followed, felt the shame of being so fucking weak, but at
the same time the touch had replaced Dan's rage. He didn't
know what to expect, but he was glad that Dan didn't shout
at him now, was glad for the contact.
Dan closed
the door behind them, and took a step closer to Vadim, until
there was hardly a hand's breadth between them. He touched
Vadim's face, tracing the cheekbone, along the jaw line, until
his fingertips merely rested on smooth skin. "I am so
fucking sorry." Quietly, while looking at Vadim. No rage
now in his eyes, just a deep seated sorrow. "I didn't
get it. I told you I'm no fucking brainy, just didn't realise
I am such an idiot." His lips twitched, trying to turn
into a smile, "forgive me?"
"Nothing
to forgive, Dan. Nothing at all. I'm not ... not ashamed of
what I feel, but of what ... I see in people's faces. I can't
explain all that. I can't take that from them, that ... disgust.
It's better they think I'm ... that I fit in." Found
it still hard to breathe, pressed Dan's hand to his cheek.
"Maybe one day."
"Aye,"
Dan nodded and swallowed, "maybe one day." Remorse
unveiled in his eyes. Too open, too readable, and too damn
straightforward.
"Don't.
You are ... good like you are. Your confidence, your balls."
Vadim tried a smile and touched his forehead to Dan's. "We
don't have to visit your family. Maybe ... hire a caravan,
and we won't even have to deal with any bed and breakfast
owners. There are always alternatives."
"I
just wanted to be
" Dan trailed off and never finished
the sentence, just shrugged, drawing in a deep breath. "Don't
know if I want to go. Better to just stay far away."
Shrugged again, "they say Sweden and Denmark are cool
places. They marry in Denmark, you know. Blokes." Kept
shrugging. "I don't
" didn't finish that sentence
either and pulled his lips into a smile instead, before taking
a step back. "Got to go for a shower." Turning away.
Looking for his towel and soap bag.
Seeing
Dan so flustered hurt. It hurt because it was his fault, caused
by being a coward. Konstantinov. The torturer was right. He'd
never fully recover. Shame was one of their weapons. And now
they had hurt Dan, too. "Dan, I ..." I'm scared,
I'm so ashamed, I'm so fucking broken. "... want to go.
I want to see Scotland. And where you're from." Even
if that meant being not welcome, worse, being hated and feeling
another wave of disgust and disdain. "I ... can face
it. I will face it. It's ... alright." And at the same
time, he was scared, could feel himself shudder at the thought,
because of the tension building up inside.
"We'll
see, OK?" Towel and soap bag under his arm, Dan tried
another smile while patting Vadim's shoulder. "Plenty
of time left, we just decide closer to April, alright?"
"Okay."
Taking
a step to the door, "I'll see you in a bit. Just ...
shower, you know. Stuff." With that he slipped through
the door, closing it quietly behind him.
Vadim
nodded, wincing inwardly, wondered if he should keep Dan back,
but didn't want to be hysterical. Just felt that horrible
thing, being helpless, having made a mistake, with no way
to repair it, no way to make it vanish. He rubbed his face,
restless and nervous, sat down on the bed. How was it that
everything was alright when they were alone and together,
like in one of those fucking caves, but somehow, once outside
factors were drawn in, they screwed everything up?
Dan returned
after half an hour, more than double the time he usually took.
Bringing with him a pack of biscuits, one from the stash he'd
been sent by the Baroness and which he hoarded in the other
hut. Cigarette between his lips, towel around his hips, his
smile was pretty much back to normal when he stepped through
the door. "Fancy some bikkies? Was thinking of getting
a brew on."
"Tea?"
Vadim checked the time. "Of course, tea." Nothing
in the world that tea didn't make better, he heard Dr Williams
say, and the thought of the older man was somehow reassuring.
"Yes. I could start it? Or at least try and find milk."
"Aye,
tea. Milk and sugar."
"I
remember", said Vadim, lightly, glad he could get busy
and do something, even if it was just making tea.
Dan threw
himself once more onto the mattress, exactly the same way
as before. He grinned up at Vadim as if nothing had ever happened,
and Vadim served the tea and sat with him. Between biscuits
and tea, Dan did not bring up the topic again, and neither
did he later. Not a word. Not now, not through the night,
and not the days after. Joking and grinning, the same irreverent,
easy-going man as before, with the same appetite for sex and
Vadim. The same arms that wrapped around Vadim at night and
the same body that spooned behind him.
Vadim,
however, didn't quite forget. Wrestled with the thought, and
how to bring up the topic again. And most importantly, when,
and in what way. He carefully examined himself, as he always
did, and expected for Dan to bring it up, but it didn't happen.
One night,
after sex, Vadim murmured: "We should book flights for
Britain ... and I should call Dr Williams. I was thinking
we could meet him and then go by train up to Edinburgh. Rent
a car, and you show me ... your area."
Dan had
drifted off, sated to the bones, and utterly relaxed. "Hm?
Britain?" Murmured, he had hardly caught half of it.
"Weren't we meant to go to Kiwiland when we're done in
this place?"
"It's
a long flight to New Zealand
I thought we'd stick around
in Europe until Jean gets his ring on his hand."
"Mmm
guess that's right. Got a couple months to kill before
our next destination. Heard rumours it's going to be the Balkans."
Dan yawned, rolled onto his back and stuck his feet out of
the blanket. Stretching his calves while his eyes remained
half-closed. "Didn't think you
we should go?"
Vadim
shifted, adjusted his body, rearranged his limbs until his
head rested on Dan's shoulder and he could see the stubble
on Dan's throat close. "I'd like to see where you come
from. Where
they make people like you."
Dan chuckled
in the back of his throat, which vibrated through Vadim. "People
like me? You mean Scottish peasants, aye?" Twisting his
head until he caught the tips of the short-shorn hair, kissing
Vadim's head.
"My
favourite type
"
"But
if we go, how do you want to do it?" Dan paused for a
while, the topic wasn't one he'd wanted to engage with again,
but he was sated and mellow enough this time to gave it another
go. "Twin rooms? Mates do take twin rooms, cheaper that
way. Because, I swear, on everything that is important to
me, that you won't get me to take single rooms. I will not
sleep in another room from you. Not on R&R."
"Ah.
Twin. Separate beds. That could work. And we'd just move the
mattresses on the floor and still sleep together. I doubt
we fit both into the same bed
not in case there's some
vigorous movements going."
"Or
we just don't have any sex but at least fall asleep, squeezed
into one bed. You can chuck me out when I'm snoring."
Dan smiled. "And if we do go, we will lie when we're
in rural areas. Aye?"
"Aye."
That should work. Be careful where it counted and less careful
where it didn't mean a thing. "And regarding your family?
Should we meet up at a restaurant and have a friendly chat?"
"There
are no restaurants, just pubs, and I don't think you'd quite
fit into a Highland pub."
"No?"
Vadim raised an eyebrow. What was this place that it
was so very peculiar?
"No.
You'd be sticking out like a sore thumb." Dan yawned
and shrugged, he didn't feel comfortable, but wouldn't let
on. Not this time. "I call my brother and let him know
I'm coming, bringing a 'mate' with me, who happens to be a
fellow merc and who happens to go to the same wedding of yet
another fellow merc and mate, and who happens to want to get
a chance of travelling round Scotland, so I happen to take
him along." Dan shrugged again, "but I warn you,
I am a shit liar."
"Dan,
but we are comrades. Okay, we are more than that, but if we
just stick to the official version."
"The
official version, Vadim, is that: We. Are. Lovers. So don't
start with that one again, aye?" Dan smiled to take the
sting out.
"The
other official version, then." Oh fuck, he was
starting to think in Doublethink. Doublespeak.
"Whatever."
Dan stretched his legs out once more. "I don't want to
discuss it, OK? I do what you want and I take you to Scotland
as a mate and nothing more, but I just don't want to talk
about it." Yawning. "And besides, it is time to
sleep. Aye?"
Vadim
nodded. "Yes. To sleep, perchance to dream."
"Is
that one of your depressing authors?"
"No,
that's the Bard of Avon. Old Bill. William Shakespeare, your
one true national genius."
"Oh
shit, he's the one we had to read in school. Romeo and all
that crap. A balcony and a stupid bint making great literature?
I tell you, that bastard was a sadist and I'd like to punch
the guy for every dreadful hour we had to spend reading that
bullshit." Dan grinned.
"Really?
Did it never strike you that that friend of Romeo's was quite
in love with Romeo? And then Romeo falls for the girl?"
"Huh?"
Dan rubbed his eyes, yawning again. "I can't remember
jack shit, but if they got it on, that Romeo guy and his friend,
even I would read it."
"As
far as I remember, there's some evidence that they did
Some hints in the text. I can't quote it, but when I was reading
it, I thought this guy -Mercutio? - was being very jealous."
"Hints?
Oh come on, Russkie, I don't do hints. Give me full-on porn
or nothing." Grinning, Dan poked and prodded Vadim until
he lay on his side and Dan could cuddle up. "But if you
ever come across a good porn book," yawning, "let
me know, I'll read it, even though videos are better."
"You
savage. I thought your favourite was the live thing?"
Vadim's hand moved to Dan's flank, stroking the hip and thigh.
"Of
course it is." Nuzzling the back of Vadim's neck, Dan
grinned sleepily. "But sometimes a man's got to wank.
Easier on the system."
"True."
Vadim's fingers tightened on Dan's leg. "I'll let you
recharge, then. It's in my own best interest." Chuckling
lowly and relaxing against Dan, who'd already fallen asleep.
He was pretty much awake, but would just try to sleep. Thinking,
going through what had happened, retracing the day, the week,
and then moving forward. Planning, as far ahead as he could.
It still didn't sit quite right with him that Dan didn't want
to talk about Scotland, but he respected that. Family was
always a tricky business.
March/April
1992
Dan had
promised Vadim that he'd organise everything, but he otherwise
didn't engage in conversations about the plans. He happily
talked about France and the wedding, even about his worries
regarding the best man speech, but Scotland was strangely
off limits. They'd go straight to the Highlands, that was
all he'd told Vadim. Stopping over in Edinburgh later, flying
from there to France for the wedding.
When
the day came, Dan stood impatiently beside a Lannie, his bag
slung over his shoulder, waiting for Vadim. "We'll miss
the bloody flight!"
"Then
we book another one." Vadim came closer, duffle bag slung
across his back.
"And
spend even more money? Bollocks! Get a shift on, Russkie."
"Relax.
As long as the gate's not closed when we get there, we should
be okay."
"Not
my idea of a relaxing start to R&R." Dan grinned
and slapped Vadim's arse before getting into the car.
Vadim
gave a surprised laugh at the slap, which actually stung a
bit, and he plonked down in the car. "Alright, alright."
Watching Dan as he drove. "Like that would break the
bank."
"I
got to watch my money. Remember the farm? I want to get that
done before this body breaks down." Dan flashed a grin,
but the humour wasn't entirely there. More tense than usual.
"I
know, but we have my money, too. And if we can't afford the
work, we put it back together ourselves. And besides, even
if one of us gets fucked up, there's still the other. We don't
have to worry about it."
Dan shrugged,
but got them to the airport in record time, left the Lannie
in the car park to be picked up by one of the mercs later,
and they legged it to the terminal, where the flight was being
announced.
"See?
It's not 'last call to Heathrow' yet", huffed Vadim.
Running, however, right next to Dan. "The gate's still
open."
"But
not for much longer." Flashing IDs and tickets, they
just about made it to the plane, where they threw themselves
into the seats, catching their breath. "Right."
Dan fastened his seat belt, "from Heathrow it's change-over
onto a plane to Glasgow, then straight up along the West Coast.
I got a hire car booked for us."
Vadim
smiled. "We'll take turns driving. Do we stay somewhere
overnight or when are we expected where?" Pulling the
seat belt tighter and stretching his legs, getting comfortable
for the flight.
"Aye,
we stay in Glasgow for a couple of days. Didn't you want to
have a suit made for the wedding? Besides, we'd arrive too
late to drive up to my brother's." Dan turned his head
and looked out of the window, staring at nothing while the
plane began to move on the runway.
Vadim
reached across the armrest and placed a hand on Dan's knee
and Dan turned his head, looking at him through the shades,
with clear surprise. Vadim took Dan's hand as the plane accelerated
and finally lifted off. The land beneath them bleeding away
and they were soon on the way to Europe. Scotland. Britain.
The island nation that had taken him in. It felt odd, like
a meeting with a stranger, even after Selection. He'd be walking
around, not cloistered away in barracks, not training for
any specific purpose, but actually encountering his adopted
country. Not a mother- or fatherland, but a sanctuary nonetheless.
"I'm actually looking forward to this", he said,
as if surprised by the thought.
"Are
you?" Dan was still holding onto Vadim's hand, the gesture
a novelty, at least in public. Semi-public. "I didn't
think you were."
"I'm
curious. And it will be good to not wear camo for a while."
Vadim looked at him. "I think it's a good kind of nervous."
Dan was
looking at him, even pushed the shades off his eyes. His expression
entirely neutral. "Aye, but you told me you didn't want
anyone to know who we are. Are you still adamant about that?"
Who we
are. Not what we are. Vadim frowned at the curious way to
put this. What - answer: lovers. Who - answer: Dan and Vadim.
How was the orientation thing part of the Who instead of part
of the What? "I don't know how they will react, that's
all", said Vadim, feeling the dread again, but fighting
it this time.
"I
don't know either." Dan shrugged, kept looking at Vadim,
but when nothing else was forthcoming, he shrugged again.
"Alright, I'll lie. Shouldn't be too difficult, even
though I'm a shit liar. Am not exactly on intimate terms with
my brother and his family, haven't seen them for a few years,
but he does keep my finances in bloody good order."
Vadim
nodded. "I'm sorry I'm such a coward", he said,
almost tonelessly, again the dread replaced with shame.
"It's
OK." Dan drew in a deep breath, "guess I should
apologise for being pushy. I know they fucked you up, but
it's hard to fully understand what it did to you."
Vadim
pressed his lips together, looking around for the bustling
stewards who were just getting the trolley ready behind them.
Taking the moment to swallow and keep his composure, while
Dan squeezed his hand.
"But
I don't think you ever were happy with being gay, aye?"
Dan asked quietly.
Vadim
inhaled. "That's not
an easy question, Dan. It's
not as simple as 'yes' or 'no'. Did I
did I wish I
wasn't? Yes, I did. There were times when I cursed it. When
I wanted to fit in, to not be a target. When I
was
ashamed. But that's always from outside. It's when they fuck
my mind. When they tell me I'm a criminal for sleeping with
men. A degenerate. My
the masseur once told me I should
never believe them when they told me I couldn't win because
of my feelings. That was good advice. He said I should never
believe that my feelings weaken me. When there's nobody else,
just you and me, or just me, I'm not ashamed. It's part of
me, I accepted it long ago. I know my life would have been
different if I wasn't what I am", not who, "and
it's certainly tougher, but I am not ashamed of you, or what
I feel for you. It's what other people think of me, how they
treat me for it, how they assume I'm a criminal for feeling
the way I do. A limp-wristed faggot who slept his way up,
another man's suka. That
that is tough to bear. To
see that contempt and disgust in people's faces. And I know
I shouldn't care, but it bites."
Dan shook
his head, opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again.
Couldn't come up with anything to say, just kept looking and
holding that hand. Murmuring something under his breath, while
leaning his head against Vadim's shoulder. Didn't get it,
couldn't understand, because he'd never felt like that. Ironic,
really, that he, the gay-basher, who'd fucked himself through
dozens of bimbos, to prove he was a stud and straight as hell,
couldn't give a shit about anyone's comments or thoughts.
But what did it matter. Arguing anymore or trying to understand
each other, wouldn't get them any further. Thus he said nothing
and simply stayed close. Physical contact had always worked
for them throughout the years, he'd simply have to cling to
that as long as Vadim let him.
Vadim
pressed his hand for a long moment and rested his head against
Dan's. Hoped Dan would understand. Being gay didn't actually
make him a happier or unhappier person. It didn't make him
better, or worse. It just was. No reason to be happy about.
Something like the blood type, or eye colour. "But it's
good you're happy with it, Dan. Very good."
"Happy
as in 'I don't mind it. It's fine. It's the way I am.'"
Dan sighed, ignored the second steward, "that's the way
we use 'happy' in English. Not running around ecstatically,
shouting out to the world how deliriously happy I am because
I am gay."
Vadim
laughed softly at the image. "Okay. Then I'm happy about
it, too. Most of the time, at least, unless some bastard mocks
or attacks me for it." Remembering, he thought he'd stood
his ground against Dan, back in Afghanistan, before they'd
stopped to try and kill each other. But then, there had been
different rules between enemies.
"There
will always be people talking bullshit." Dan shrugged,
"at least we're not in the same shitty position those
guys were in, I was beating the crap out of. Back in the bad
old days." Finally acknowledging a steward when they
came past for the third time, sitting up to get his drink
and morsel of food. He stretched as best he could, before
leaning back in the seat. "Well, at least I get to show
you my country. Scotland. That should be worth something,
aye?"
"Everything,
not 'something'." Vadim accepted his drink and food with
a nod towards the steward. Trusting Dan to make the decisions
when they'd be in the country. He didn't expect any kind of
trouble, but was looking forward to actually seeing the places
that had produced somebody like Dan. Moscow would very much
remain off limits, so Scotland would have to do.
The rest
of the flight was spent uneventfully, with Dan either snoozing
or gazing out of the window. He never tired to watch the endless
sky and the clouds beneath, wishing himself back into the
Afghan mountains, a place he'd probably never see again, even
though he hadn't given up on it yet.
Landing
in Heathrow, they had to navigate the moloch of an insanely
busy international airport in an even more insanely busy capital
city, and while they were waiting in the queue for 'EU citizens',
holding their identical looking passports in hands, Dan turned
to Vadim. "Have you actually been anywhere in Britain?"
"Apart
from London and the
" Vadim paused, knew he'd slipped
up, but also knew that he had to mask it well now, because,
despite everything, he had no idea how Dan would react to
the whole London episode from years back, "the little
place, what was it called? Hereford? No."
"Ah,
yes, guess they shipped you to Hereford via London, aye? Wouldn't
surprise me, everyone seems to stop over here for everything."
"All
roads lead to Rome." One day it might slip. One day.
But not today. Ideally, never. Vadim had very few secrets,
but this whole 'go off to London and commit a murder' episode
- never mind the people he'd met there, Darren and
what was the other man's name again? He couldn't remember.
He'd fucked him, had seen him bared and vulnerable and kind,
but he didn't remember.
Dan grinned,
stepping forward to the glass booth and having his passport
swiftly examined before making it through and waiting for
Vadim on the other side, who was still amazed that he could
cross borders this easily. "I'm afraid I think London's
a bit shit. Too expensive." He shrugged when Vadim turned
up as well.
"It
seemed very big, very crowded, and
not much else. But
very free."
"All
big places are. Go to Newcastle, and shit, you can't be freer
than that. Or Glasgow, but you'll see for yourself."
Dan chuckled, "good thing, though, we can fend for ourselves,
because Glasgow is a dangerous old dump. Comes with the freedom."
They didn't have to hurry this time and could make their way
leisurely through the corridors to their destination gate,
to catch their connecting flight.
"Want
anything?" Dan pointed to a stall with hot drinks and
sandwiches. "I could do with a cuppa, but coffee's shit
around here, as far as I remember. Never got a single decent
brew in this country. Usually instant or stewed acid."
"Tea?
It's hard to make tea entirely unpleasant."
"This
is the land of tea, I'd think even an airport will manage."
As Dan
was turning towards the stall, fishing for his wallet, Vadim
touched his shoulder briefly. "And something to eat -
something small, like a Snickers."
"Snickers?
Pah! You mean Marathon. Damned renaming of old favourites.
But aye, I'll get you one, might grab one for myself."
It took about ten minutes before Dan returned. Balancing a
couple of paper cups and a handful of chocolate bars.
"Couldn't
make up my mind." Dropping an assortment of Snickers,
Mars, Bounty, Milky Way, Caramac, Galaxy, Curly Wurly and
- worst of all - a large peanut butter energy bar - into Vadim's
lap, then holding one of the cups out to him. "There
you go. We've got half an hour if there's no delay. Feast
yourself on the airport's finest." He grinned and sat
down.
Vadim
took the cup and glanced accusingly at the energy bar. "Peanut
butter
will haunt me to my grave, aye?" However,
that was the first one he ate, while Dan kept laughing. He
still liked the flavour and it worked alright with the bitter
dark tea to wash the cloying sweetness down. "If you
want any of these
be my guest."
"Thought
you'd never ask." In the next half hour, Dan worked his
way through all of the chocolate bars, except for the Snickers,
which he waved in front of Vadim's face as their flight got
called. "Wasn't that the one you wanted?" Walking
in front of him, like the proverbial carrot on a stick, while
boarding.
Vadim
laughed. "I'd tell you what I want, but then we'd get
thrown off the plane for gross indecency."
"No
Mile High Club for me?"
"What
is that?"
Craning
his head, Dan murmured, for once keeping his voice down, "it's
the 'club' of all of those who've fucked in the loos of an
air plane, high up in the sky."
"No.
None of that for us. Not this time."
"Damn."
Dan grinned and managed to sashay his arse in front of Vadim,
to the mild shock of an elderly couple who'd already sat down
along the aisle. Grinning, he got into the window seat, and
the whole rigmarole of boredom started up again. At least
the flight was mercifully short and they had barely time for
a drink.
When
they arrived, it was waiting, queuing, shuffling and waiting
some more, before they got to their luggage. "I tell
you what." Dan frowned darkly, as they stood around the
carousel, trying to spot their kit. "I'll never fly anything
but first class again. Civilian air traffic is shit."
Vadim
laughed. "It certainly has more leg room. They must have
designed those seats for people who are five foot six the
most."
"I
thought it wouldn't matter for a short hop, but bullshit.
Give me a Hercules any day." Spotting his bergan, Dan
snatched it off the rotating band, closely followed by Vadim
who'd spotted his and just checked whether everything was
in order.
"Done?
If we're lucky we make it to the hotel in time for dinner.
I'm bloody starving."
"You
are always starving, Mad Dog."
"Aye."
Widening his eyes, Dan produced a face splitting grin while
waggling his brows. "I might be forty-two, but I'm always
starving. And I don't mean food." Overheard by a somewhat
confused looking girl, he flashed a grin at her, before heading
out of the baggage hall. Shoulder to shoulder with Vadim,
who figured escape was the best they could do now, and walking
unhindered through the green tunnel.
In the
arrivals hall, Dan swivelled slowly around, until he spotted
the hire car sign and right beside it the info about the airport
hotels. It took quite some time, with all those people in
front of them, but they finally had the keys for a car and
information about the hotels surrounding the airport.
"I
didn't book anything, figured it wouldn't be a problem."
Dan held the brochures out to Vadim. "Pick one, anyone.
They are all modern and probably crap, but it's only for one
night. Ramada, Express or Holiday Inn?" Waving the Ramada
brochure a bit higher than the others, and the place had three
stars at least.
Vadim
shook his head and confirmed the decision. "Make it Ramada.
Even though it reminds me of 'Ramadan'. What a shit name."
"As
long as we get some food I don't care." They found their
car without trouble, a medium sized, plain and boring vehicle,
nevertheless perfect for the journey, and drove the few hundred
yards into the hotel parking lot. The reception area was bustling,
but Dan strolled purposefully to the first available clerk,
a pretty blonde girl. She had the broadest Glaswegian accent
when she opened her mouth to greet them.
"Do
you have a double room free?"
"Yes,
of course, Sir." She pulled out her reservations list
and checked the free rooms before looking up at him. "Would
you please fill in the form?" Handing the form and pen
over to Dan, she acknowledged Vadim, who'd been behind him.
"And what can I do for you, Sir?"
Vadim
needed several moments even to understand her - more guessing
than truly understanding her question, and he was very close
to acting as if he didn't speak any English, which would have
forced Dan to jump to the rescue. Dan had ordered a double.
Whatever he said that seemed inconspicuous was, at the same
time, offensive to Dan. Vadim's jaw muscles tightened, and
he could feel his heart beat. If they got kicked out here,
there were more options. He only hoped she wouldn't get unpleasant
about it. "No, I'm
good. He is booking already."
"Oh
," her eyes widened, looking from one to the other,
and then she smiled. "But of course, that's no problem."
Wasn't
it? Vadim felt surprise, relief, and didn't quite trust the
situation yet. He expected the hammer to fall. "Good.
I mean, thank you."
Dan had
filled in the form, even though there had been a moment of
tension, pushing the form back to her.
She glanced
at it and nodded. "I hope you will enjoy your stay here.
Breakfast is between 7 and 9 AM, and we have a licensed bar
as well as a very comfortable restaurant." Leaning across,
she picked up a key, still smiling brightly. "Third floor,
just take the corridor to the left." She handed the key
to Dan, who took it with a nod and an all too relieved grin.
Vadim
gathered up his bergan and followed Dan to the elevator, which,
thankfully, opened very soon and allowed them to escape into
the private space of the small cabin. Glancing at the mirror,
Vadim noticed he hadn't flushed - even though he would have
expected to, the way his head was feeling.
"Well,
that wasn't all that bad." Dan smiled.
Vadim
shook his head. "No, it wasn't. She
took it in
stride."
"Of
course, she's a youngster. The times they are a-changing."
Dan grinned and leaned closer, to all intents and purposes
about to kiss. Vadim glanced at the door, hoped it wouldn't
open yet, and kissed Dan, too, couldn't really help it, wanted
to, and just hoped the timing would be lucky.
His luck
held and they didn't hear the 'ping' for the third floor before
they'd moved slightly apart.
"Want
to have a quick shower and then head into town for food?"
Dan stepped out of the lift, "or a quick shower and a
meal here, and then head into town? I'm starving, but I really
do want a good pint of ale, the stuff you can't get anywhere
in the world but the UK. Not that American bear's piss."
They reached the room and Dan let them in. It was spacious
enough, and while it was bland and meaningless, it would serve
well for a night. The bed was certainly big enough.
"Just
order the food to the room while I'm showering and it should
be there when we've showered and changed. Saves time. I'm
having something with meat or fish." Vadim set the bergan
down and closed the door behind them. "Nice enough
"
He undressed, headed to the bathroom, showered, all quick,
efficient, washing the long flight off. It would be good.
Different, but good.
In the
meantime, Dan got the food sorted, and was already stripped
naked when Vadim came out of the bathroom. "Food should
be here any minute." Stepping into the steamed-up room,
"I'll just have a shower and a shave and we're off into
town after grub. I got reception to get us a taxi in forty-five
minutes." Dan's ablutions took even less time than Vadim's,
if it hadn't been for the shaving. Twice a day, and it wasn't
getting any better.
His hair
was still damp when he came back out into the room to the
smell of steaks with roast potatoes and vegetables, and a
couple of beers. Vadim was just arranging the cutlery, having
dressed in what amounted to shockingly civilian clobber -
dark blue designer jeans he'd got in Dubai on their last holiday,
a nice dark grey jumper, flat polished shoes, with his outdoors
jacket expensive enough to fit the whole composition.
"Bloody
hell." Dan threw himself onto the bed with a bounce.
"You look like a GQ model, or Mr Gay 1992."
Vadim
laughed and shook his head. "Keep the flattery coming,
Dan. You know I have a weak spot for that
"
Dan smirked,
reaching to pull the trolley closer. They only had one chair
and he was happy to leave it to Vadim. "If you're looking
that good, then I better get you to dress me as well.
After all, you packed most of my bag."
Vadim
glanced at the bag. "I think the suede trousers. Judging
by the weather, that might be just the thing for you."
"The
what?" Dan had been lifting the lid off his plate, stopping
in mid-motion. "I have what?"
Vadim
smiled at him, the kind of satisfied smile that indicated
one of his plans had come to fruition. "Oh. The dark
brown suede trousers I had tailored for you on the basis of
your favourite jeans."
Dan almost
dropped the lid, and if he had had any food in his mouth yet,
it would have spluttered across the room. "You had suede
trousers made for me? Can it get anymore faggoty? Fucking
hell, I thought you were the one uncomfortable with being
gay, hadn't expected you to turn me into an uber-poof."
Despite the words and the righteous 'outrage', amusement was
tugging at the corners of Dan's mouth.
"Put
them on and then we'll decide how gay you look or don't look",
huffed Vadim. "I think they are fairly subtle."
"Aye,
maybe, but don't you think I'm too old for being a designer-fag?"
"Not
for me. Or did you have a different audience in mind? Jean's
not here."
"Jean
would piss himself with laughter if he saw me in that."
Dan grinned, "but wait till I have my best man's outfit
sorted, if he laughs about that one, I deck him. Groom or
not." Dan finally put the lid down and picked up the
cutlery. "Before I start eating, any more surprises?
What am I going to wear on my feet, what on my upper body,
and what on top? Eh?" Hardly able to suppress the grin.
"No,
you're free to choose based on that the trousers." Vadim
took the lid and set it down on the floor.
"You
know as well as I do, that I haven't got a fucking clue, so
you better give me a hand choosing the rest, if you want the
things to go together." Dan grinned and started to eat,
shovelling the food inside.
"Of
course." The food was decent enough - probably another
good reason to choose the best hotel in the available range.
The steak at least was more than decent. When Vadim started
to eat he noticed himself how hungry he'd been, the nervousness
had suppressed the appetite. "I just like the smell of
leather", he said, somewhat innocently.
"In
that case," chewing then quickly swallowing, "why
do we even bother with going out? We could just have a noseful
of leather and fuck." Subtle as ever, Dan washed his
mouthful down with beer, grinning. "Besides, I like the
glint and coldness of steel, but did I take any blades with
me? Did I hell."
Vadim
laughed, but his body liked the idea, and the laugh was more
husky than he realized. "We can always improvise."
He grinned, soon finishing the steak, washed everything down
with water, then dug into Dan's bag, finding the trousers,
the shoes and the top. "Just put these on, then."
Dan finished
off his beer, laughing when he saw how deftly Vadim pulled
the clothes out of the bag. "I knew it! You packed the
whole outfit, didn't you?"
"I
plead innocent." Vadim's smile was anything but.
Getting
up, Dan lost the towel and shook his damp hair. "Give
us the kit, then, and you tell me what you think."
Deliberately
turning his back to Vadim, Dan bent down, presenting his arse,
which got him another, now huskier laugh, while stepping into
the leather jeans. The suede felt warm and smooth, gliding
up his legs. They fit like a glove, and when he closed the
zipper and button, they felt and looked like a second skin.
Swiftly stepping into socks and shoes, he threw the long-sleeved
top over his head and slowly turned around his axis. "Content?"
"Ah.
I knew it. You manage to pull this outfit off." Vadim
stepped close, ran his hands over Dan's leather-clad ass.
Great idea. Fantastic idea. "Works for me."
"I
would have expected something better than 'works for me'.
After all, how many ex-SAS do you think you'll find, who let
themselves get dressed up like a Barbie doll." He grinned,
"or was that 'Action Man'?"
"If
I said you're making me hard, we would piss off the taxi driver,
Mad Dog Action Man." Vadim laughed at him and pulled
back. "Come on. Get your shoes and let's go out. And
keep that thought."
"I've
got my shoes already. Too distracted by my arse to
notice, eh?" Dan laughed and snatched the jacket. Looking
at it for a moment. "And where the hell did you get that
one from? I don't recognise it." Slipping into the expensive
outdoor jacket. Just as short as the top, and very definitely
not covering his leather-clad buttocks.
"Same
place I ordered mine. You warned me about the weather in the
UK, so I figured these make sense." Opening the door
for Dan.
"You're
lethal in our Western consumer society, you realise that?"
Dan shook his head, laughing. "Buying all that stuff
that no one needs."
"Bullshit.
We do need this stuff."
Dan pocketed
the key and they went down into the lobby, where the taxi
had just pulled up outside. "Let's see if I remember
where to get pissed." Dan told the driver to take them
into the centre of Glasgow, getting out at the edge of Merchant
City.
"Alright,
Russkie, I figure we just walk along until we spot a suitable
pub."
"Okay?"
Vadim glanced around and stayed close to Dan without actually
touching.
Dan realised
all too quickly that he had absolutely no idea where he was
heading, only vaguely remembering the city, and not having
the faintest clue about any hostelries. Walking on, the last
thing he wanted was to lose face and look like an idiot. Stopping
at the sight of a traditional pub that looked welcoming. The
sign said 'Bennett's', and it was otherwise fairly unremarkable.
"What about this one? Looks good to me."
"Sure.
Take point, I cover your back."
"It's
a pub, Vadim, or bar, or whatever you want to call it. I don't
think you need to cover my back." Dan grinned, as he
purposefully walked into the establishment. Heading straight
towards the bar, where a friendly landlord looked up with
a smile. "What have you got on your pump?" Spotting
the 80 shilling before the guy could point it out to him,
Dan ordered two pints straight away. "Doesn't look too
bad, does it?" Quietly to Vadim with a smile.
Vadim
glanced around, seeing not quite the regular scruff he remembered
from the pub in Hereford. Most seemed better groomed, and
most were male. There were a few women, but strangely, these
were sitting in pairs. And most of all, in a country where
nobody ever made eye contact, the majority of the people in
the room - that was, the men - eyed them with interest. In
fact, he was pretty sure there'd been a hush falling over
the room the moment they'd entered. "I sometimes wonder
about your luck", he said, suppressing a laugh.
"What
do you mean?" Paying for the pints, Dan handed one to
Vadim before turning round to face the pub. "The music's
good, the patrons seem to be alright, the landlord's a good
chap, and the beer's from the hand pump. I call that good
luck."
"Yes,
quite. And I doubt any of the men will be going home with
any of the women tonight."
"Oh
" Dan finally clued on and grinned into the room,
catching a few somewhat interested smiles in return, despite
his scarred face and the look of a man more dangerous than
most. Or perhaps because of. Or maybe it was Vadim who got
the reaction. "Best get ourselves a table then, aye?"
Dan grinned contentedly and looked around for a seat in the
rather busy pub.
Vadim
scanned the room. "I guess we'll have to share",
he said. "Or wait till some of the guys leave."
But it was early in the evening, still. He really had no idea
how things would go. Only that if the girl in the hotel had
the regional accent, he wouldn't understand a word that was
going to be said. But Dan was right: the music was good enough
and put a little spring in his step.
Dan found
a table with a couple of free seats on a comfortable looking
bench. The guys at that table seemed friendly enough, and
willingly shifted closer together when he asked if there was
space. They had just about sat down, when the first of a barrage
of questions started, right after an introduction of names.
He hadn't quite expected to be taken in within seconds, and
grinned at Vadim with surprise. Gay or not, they were still
Brits and Brits just didn't do outgoing.
"You
two from around here?" One of the guys asked, whose name
was Martin, and whose accent was far easier to understand
that the thick Glaswegian.
"Not
really." Dan took a sip of his beer, "we've just
come from Kuwait."
Vadim
sat close to Dan, part by choice, part by necessity, and looked
around the table, trying to work out the rules. Meanwhile,
he tried the beer. Not something he'd ever really get used
to, he preferred hard stuff to get drunk, but it was drinkable.
"Through London", he added.
"Aye,"
Dan nodded, and downed half of his pint.
"Kuwait?
Are you businessmen?"
Vadim
shook his head. "Soldiers."
Dan grinned
into his pint glass when he heard an audible intake of breath.
"Well, not anymore, technically. We were. We're mercenaries
now." It all came back to him all of the sudden, the
way he'd played the girls, back in the day, and he added with
a gesture of his scarred hand, "Vadim was spetsnaz, Soviet
special forces, and I was SAS." Smiling innocently as
if he didn't notice the reaction.
"You're
taking the piss!" One of the guys exclaimed, but the
way he leaned forward it was more than obvious how he wanted
this to be true.
"Nope."
Dan placed his hand on the table and tiled his head, so the
scar in his face became more prominent in the light, "or
do you want us to show off more of our scars?"
"Uhm
" said one of them.
Vadim
looked between them and thought, how strange, that did draw
instant reactions from pretty much the whole table. The mix
of awe, incredulity, and, he'd swear, interest. The men were
looking at Dan's scarred hand, and they apparently did believe.
He laughed softly, not quite believing this himself. Suddenly
oddly comfortable as Dan grinned at them, a broad, sharp grin
that wasn't too far away from Dan's whole tiger thing. He
shed his jacket, enjoying Dan's confidence and predatory glee.
To him, the strangest thing was the fact there was no hiding.
Just by being in this place everybody knew they were gay,
and everybody else was gay or looking for gay company. Vadim
looked into the faces and wondered who was seeking what. "Aye,
we have the scars to prove it", he acceded, pulling the
jumper down a little at the collar, to bare the old burn scar
for a moment.
"And
that, actually, is mine." Dan said out of the blue, earning
himself some more stares. His predatory grin increasing in
sharpness. "What, you don't believe me? Want to see the
scar where he shot me in the shoulder?"
There
was a gasp and one of the guys slowly moistened his lips,
while another found his voice. "You really are taking
the piss now."
"Am
I?" Dan's brows rose into his hairline. "Since when
were SAS and Spetsnaz friends in the last decade?" He
leaned forward and pulled the neckline of his top down as
far as he could, revealing a glimpse of the bullet scar and
faint lines of some of the others, before he sat back.
The same
effect again - more awe, and more interest. Vadim was sure
that they would have free pick amongst the table if Dan kept
this up. They probably already were free to choose. Likely,
all they had to do was point at a guy and say 'You'. He doubted
there would be more than a second's hesitation. "Let's
say, the Cold War wasn't quite so cold for the two of us",
he murmured, drawing a nervous laugh from the guy called Martin.
"It's
a dangerous game, fucking a special forces soldier."
Dan commented, lighting a fag.
"Not
if he's tied up nice, eh, Dan?"
Dan's
grin widened, pulling in a lungful of smoke. They'd never
played this game together, had never played any game
in fact, and the effect was like an aphrodisiac. "Aye,
or a blade on his throat or a muzzle in his back, while getting
fucked close to patrol." He showed his teeth in a sharp
grin, while another guy, who'd introduced himself as John,
was turning suspiciously red. Vadim, too, felt his guts tighten;
yes, that fuck. That near-rape, that thing that could have
got Dan killed, and him disgraced. Oh fuck. The memory never
failed to arouse him, and he was lost for words. Their intimate
history now teasing complete strangers.
"And
the garrotte ensures there's no screaming", Vadim added,
helpfully.
"You're
not ... making this up?"
"You
want me to show you?" Dan dropped his voice to
a dangerous huskiness, and the guys were visibly torn between
yes, please, and no, no, just a joke. Haha. Shocked, but completely
enthralled.
"Show
what?"
Dropping
his voice even further, Dan let the smoke escape his nostrils
before he leaned close to the guy who'd asked. "What
it's like to meddle with special forces soldiers
"
Met with
a wide-eyed stare and a very visible gulp. "I
"
"You
what?" Dan smiled with all the innocence he could muster.
"I
"
Dan turned
to face Vadim, dropping his hand in his crotch, without the
slightest attempt at hiding as he briefly stroked Vadim's
cock. "Don't think he knows what he wants, hm?"
Vadim
saw attention now on him, on the way Dan touched him, how
very visibly Dan aroused him. He wanted to be back at the
hotel now, fucking, getting fucked, as brutal as they both
could manage, celebrate the very thing that aroused the civilians
- their fucking deadliness, the fact they'd spilt each other's
blood. His lips opened, to say something like that, let's
get a taxi, but he couldn't think that clearly anymore. If
Dan kept this up, they'd end up as the centrepiece of a gay
orgy. He bared his teeth in a fierce grin and leaned in to
bite Dan's neck, hard enough to sting, rolling the muscle
between his teeth.
Dan sucked
in his breath, then tilted his head, allowing a view onto
the vicious bite as well as better access. All eyes around
the table were fixed onto them, - attention growing all around.
"Guess we are not
" briefly closing his eyes,
"in the right place for this
" murmured, not
that he had the faintest idea what the right place would be,
but the way he felt right now, a comfortable pub was not it.
"You
could ... " Martin again, clearing his throat, "try
Club X, the only gay club in Glasgow, but
" he
never finished his sentence when another guy, who hadn't said
anything but his name yet, finished it for him.
"Or
you could come with us. Martin and I live quite close."
Gordon's voice sounded nervous.
Vadim
turned his head, Dan's flesh only then slipping out from between
his teeth, which had to sting, but Vadim could feel what effect
that had on Dan. Could see it in his eyes, the way he breathed,
the way Dan opened his legs. Pushing them apart. Looking at
Martin, who had a rather plain face, but looked fit, and at
Gordon, who did have good features, a fresh, manly attractiveness
that was probably owed to good diet, exercise, and a healthy
dose of vanity. "Sounds more interesting than our hotel
room", murmured Vadim, in Russian, by way of speaking
code. "Do you want them, tiger?"
Dan kept
looking at the two men, not Vadim, answering in Russian, "I
want them tied up and sweating, on their knees, and begging
for my cock." And fuck, he didn't have a clue where that
had come from, but didn't give a damn either. "And I
want you to watch me fuck them," stubbing out the fag,
he drew in a breath. Turning his head to glance at Vadim,
then back at the others, still in Russian, "and then
I want them to suck you off while I fuck you."
Vadim
stared at him, at that crude, unashamed lust. Dan's coarse
Russian, very much how a soldier would use the words, went
straight into his guts, a knife that aroused him, badly. It
suddenly became ironclad, not just a possibility, no longer
a game. This was moving into dark territory, and part of him
felt the heat rise, as he just nodded, then turned to the
men. "Good", in English. "But we do play hard."
Martin's
eyes had gone bug-eyed and he didn't say anything at all,
while his mates stared at him. Gordon, though, nodded, albeit
nervously. "We don't know either of you. You could be
crazy killers."
Dan flashed
a grin that was far closer to insanity than humour. "We
are killers, just not of guys like you and Martin.
We're killers because it's our job, and if you are worried,
why don't you take your friends with you." Gesturing
across the table, the others visibly cringed. None rose to
the challenge, but every single one of them appeared tempted.
"I
thought you liked mercenaries because they aren't safe",
said Vadim. "As we're not wearing the camo, that's really
the only reason, isn't it?" He leaned in. "If you
want the real deal, it's without in-built security. It's risky,
but so's crossing the road."
"So,
what do you say? Still up for it?" Dan's dangerous grin
was back, before he emptied his beer.
Martin
nodded, quicker than Gordon, his cock had made the decision
for them.
"OK."
"You
got booze?"
Gordon
nodded, "there's an off-license on the way."
"That's
it, then." Standing up, Dan took his time with the movement,
until he stood to his full height. He was still wearing the
jacket, but it only enhanced the breadth of his shoulders
and the solid state of his body. Not a gram of fat, not anywhere,
just muscles. "Hope you don't mind scars
"
he flashed another grin, before he slipped out of the bench.
"Nice to meet you." To those who stayed behind in
silence, and who only nodded.
Vadim
gave them a nod, thought that that stunned silence was part
frustration, part envy, part debating whether they should
join, but he assumed Dan had just steamrolled the whole lot
so badly none of them would find his balls before they were
out of the room. Almost light-headed at how simple this was,
meeting up, making people hard, and then going to somebody
else's home. The one time that had been similar he'd acted
like a bloody beginner. Darren had found him pretty much like
a lost puppy, but he had been weakened by the whole shit.
By falling in love. Now it was Dan and him, on the prowl.
He let Gordon and Martin go first, slipped into his jacket
and murmured: "That was fast
I'm only glad we
did manage some food before we went out."
"Just
pissed off I didn't get my pints." Dan grinned, looked
everything but pissed off, horny instead, with that glint
in his dark eyes that Vadim knew too well. The edge was back,
the old Dan, the man who fucked at knife point.
"What
about pints later?"
"If
we get back before last orders at 11, I've done something
wrong." Dan grinned shark-like, before heading out after
the guys.
Vadim
grinned back, the situation really getting to him, but above
all, Dan's recklessness, his pure balls to go through with
it. Two strangers. He walked behind Dan and gripped his ass
on the way out, kneading the firm muscle, which made Dan slow
down, allowing some time, before they stepped into the street.
Martin
and Gordon were waiting for them, hands in their pockets,
jackets zipped up, braving the miserable cold and damp of
Glasgow in late March. Gordon nodded at them, taking the lead.
"It's just about fifteen minutes away on foot. Is that
alright?"
Dan bared
his teeth in another kick-ass grin. "Ask me to march
twelve miles with a sixty pound bergan on my back and I might
complain. This here is a doddle."
"Well,
this place isn't the Afghan mountains", Vadim added,
mostly to hit the same spot as Dan had.
Dan nudged
Vadim when Martin's eyes went wide once more, but the guy
said nothing. Seemed the soldier fetish went deep, and Dan
was determined to find out what that entailed. How well would
they obey an order?
They
went onto their way, saying very little, with an awkward silence
hanging between Martin and Gordon, while Dan just grinned
and walked close to Vadim. Suited them well, the lack of attempts
at conversation. Stopping over at an off-license a couple
streets further down, they stocked up on booze, then went
on until they entered one of the typical Glasgow streets with
impressive turn-of-the-century buildings, boasting high-ceilinged
tenements and granite fronts. Stopping on the steps in front
of the entrance, while Martin fumbled with the keys.
"Been
living together long?"
"A
couple years", said Gordon. "Martin moved in when
he came back from the States."
"Does
that mean I'm getting to fuck another Yank? My last one was
a jarhead." Dan grinned.
"Uh,
no, he'd just been working there for a while", Gordon
said, when Martin still didn't manage to get anything out.
Up the
steep stairs, finally, with worn steps that betrayed age.
The first floor flat had the high ceilings that the building
had promised, and Gordon led them through into a large living
room that had a fireplace - long since abandoned in favour
of modern heating, the space now filled by a large plant with
leathery, shining green leaves that stretched as far as the
walls on either side.
Dan stepped
inside and shed his jacket. The place was warm enough, but
definitely not overly heated. Looking around, he watched Gordon
switch on some low lights and Martin busying himself in another
room, which seemed to be the kitchen. Gordon was holding out
his hand to take Dan's and Vadim's jackets, when Dan went
straight to the point.
"So,
what is it you want? And do you both want the same?"
"I
" Gordon hesitated, glanced over to the kitchen.
"I don't know."
"You
don't know?" Dan raised his brows. "That smells
of bullshit. You got us here, after all, and it seemed to
me you knew damn well what you wanted, back in the pub."
"It's
just ... we haven't done this before."
"What,
getting fucked by strangers?" Dan flashed a grin.
"No,
this." Gordon moved his eyes from Dan to Vadim. "A
couple. And
guys like you. Soldiers. Mercenaries."
He shrugged. "Shit, this whole thing is a fantasy of
mine, and now that you're here, I
don't know."
"And
it's too much in reality?"
Gordon
shrugged his shoulders, somewhat helplessly, but not agreeing
either.
Vadim
sat down on the couch, watching Martin bring in a tray with
pint glasses of beer and a four-pack of red McEwan's export
cans under his arm, looking up in surprise at the exchange.
Surprise, or nervousness. Vadim didn't actually want to calm
the guy down - it seemed very much like it was the danger
that was attracting them. The not knowing, with plenty of
things going on in their heads, probably their history as
well, the things they did in bed and that fascination for
soldiers. Vadim leaned back, one arm on the back of the couch,
thinking about what Gordon had said, then nodded.
"Gordon."
Finding that speaking somebody's name often put them at ease
while also making them listen. "Question is, do you want
the same thing? I know Dan, I know what he likes. That's all
experience. We don't have that with you, so we need to know
what you like. What you want." He looked up at Dan. "As
Dan knows what I like
as you guys know what you like.
If we're too much, I get Dan back to the hotel and no hard
feelings." He laughed. "Well, in a manner of speaking."
Dan grinned
at that, surprised when it was Martin who answered, while
he was putting the tray and the cans down. The quiet one turned
out to be the tie-breaker. Again. "Yeah, we do both pretty
much want the same." Standing closer to his partner,
"we do a lot of role-playing, to keep the sex interesting,
you know. And we switch, but, like, neither of us is really
a dom. So we met someone in Club X, just once, and that guy
was into dominating, so he did it for us."
Switch,
thought Vadim. Back in the world of confusing concepts, top,
bottom, switch. And the thing Darren had called him. 'Prime
slave material'. "And?" he asked, curious.
Martin
shrugged, "was alright, but
"
"But?"
Dan couldn't help but grin at Martin's American way of phrasing
things, reminding him of Matt and - if he talked - Hooch.
Not a bad thing being reminded of either of them.
"Not
quite the 'real' thing?" Gordon finally found his voice
again.
"That's
easy, then. Tell us about your fantasies. Tell us about the
'real thing'." Dan took a glass and downed almost half
of his pint. Not bad for a canned beer.
Vadim
left the beer on the tray for the moment, interested to hear
these strangers' fantasies, but didn't want to stare. Dan's
typical way to just barge ahead. There was no question really
who'd be the 'dom' in this game, and, if he was honest, he
really wanted to see that, wanted Dan to run this. He studied
the bodies, both fit and trim for civilians. Groomed, better
than the average of what he'd seen of British men so far.
Gordon
actually managed to turn beetroot red and said nothing, while
Martin quickly went for his pint and buried his face in the
froth. Dan waited for a moment, but when nothing happened,
he finished his pint, put the glass back onto the tray, and
in one swift motion pulled his top over his head and threw
it over the back of the sofa, then sat down beside Vadim,
grinning. Met by two sets of eyes, staring at him in what
seemed either shock or disbelief at the deeply scarred but
perfectly honed killing machine, with its history and purpose
written all over it. "Still waiting
"
That
did it, Gordon finally opened his mouth. "OK." Muttered,
still staring at the body before him. "Shit." He
took his pint and sat down on one of the comfortable chairs,
opposite to the sofa.
"No
worries. Chances are, we've already done it", said Vadim,
softly, feeling Dan's skin warm and close.
"Guess
we don't get what we want if we don't tell, aye?" Laughing
nervously, Gordon took a few mouthfuls of beer, while Martin
perched on the armrest of his chair. "We've been talking
about this, trying to do it, but when we play together, it
always means that one doesn't get what he wants." Another
mouthful of beer, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.
"And what we want is not to have any control. We want
to
"
"
get fucked. Be made to suck." Martin continued.
"And
we want to be tied up. Helpless." Gordon finished, while
Dan was leaning closer, drawn to the words and the images
they conjured.
"Our
favourite scene is playing prisoners." Martin added after
finishing his beer, and Gordon nodded. "Can you do that?"
Vadim
leaned in to Dan, murmuring into his ear. "Good choice,
these." He stood, liked the eagerness, the courage of
these guys offering to throw themselves at the mercy of complete
strangers. Mercenaries. Killers. "Dan is good at the
prisoner game", he said, smiling. "Entertained me
for a week or two, up in the Afghan mountains."
Dan looked
at him, without saying a word, but with barely disguised surprise.
Vadim slipped his jumper off, tensed his chest and abs, smiling
at Dan. "Only, back then, he didn't take advantage of
that Soviet he'd caught. I still think that was a bit of a
waste." Smiling, part mocking, part tender.
"Well."
Dan caught himself when he saw the awed look on the two guys'
faces, as they stared at the perfectly chiselled body. Smooth,
with hardly a scar except for the burn mark in the hollow
of the throat. Dan stood up as well, placed his hand on Vadim's
shoulder.
"At
that time, twelve years ago, I was more into torturing the
Commie bastard." With light pressure getting Vadim to
turn around and present his back.
He didn't
know which of the guys let out a shocked "shit!"
and who was the one who inhaled a hissed breath, but both
of them, when he turned to look, were moistening their lips
and unable to take their eyes off the scars on Vadim's back,
while Vadim felt it surreal that his old scars would have
that effect. And Dan's hand on his shoulder felt good. Strong,
firm, a commitment and a trust that would never be touched
by anything.
"You
did that?" Martin could hardly get the words out.
"He
did. Hard to explain the scars when I managed to return to
my side." Vadim glanced over his shoulder. "And
I wanted him even then, the fucking bastard." Feeling
the memory heat up his blood again, the memory of torture,
of offering his body to appease the enemy. Well, at least
he wasn't the only one who was horny because of these old
stories. Their faces told the truth. Nice, uncomplicated truth.
Dan turned
him around again, stepping half behind Vadim, only to grope
his arse, grinning predatorily, and Vadim tensing, pressing
slightly against him. Ready for anything, Sir.
"Helpless,
you said. Do you have something to tie you guys up?"
Gordon
nodded. "We
have toys."
"Toys?"
Dan's brows rose. Fortunately, his question wasn't taken for
the ignorance that it was, but the cue for Martin to jump
up.
"I'll
go get them. They're ... in the bedroom." Vaguely pointing
towards another door, reluctant to take his eyes off Dan and
Vadim.
"OK."
Dan nodded, not having a clue what on earth 'toys' meant,
wondering if they were going to be presented with a set of
Action Men. That thought made him grin, but he soon forgot
the funny side when he was met with a look in Gordon's eyes
that was so hungry, Dan could almost taste the need on his
palate. He suddenly had an image in his mind, which made him
lean over Vadim's shoulder, hands busy opening Vadim's fly.
Vadim
breathed deeply, hands motionless at his sides, being bared
and presented. Fuck. And how much that aroused him.
"You
want to get fucked. I assume you got condoms, lube, and get
yourselves cleaned out first." Dan's cock hardened as
much at the memory of a fist up his arse, as Vadim's cock
did, freed, in his hand.
"Aye",
said Gordon, staring at Vadim, who struggled to not speed
things up by demanding anything. Anything more. Gordon left
for the bathroom. Dan was stroking Vadim lightly, leisurely,
when Martin returned with a large wooden box, unsecured, and
set it down on the living room table, right next to the cans
of beer.
Eyes
on Vadim's cock, Martin didn't do anything for a moment, before
opening the box and presenting Dan with the 'toys' inside,
looking up with an eager expression.
Dan grinned
briefly, "I will take a look. You better get into the
bathroom, your partner's there."
Martin
nodded, visibly swallowing, before his eyes were once again
on the way Dan slowly stroked that cock, and how Vadim's smooth,
pale skin seemed to glow in the low light.
"I
want both of you naked when you return."
Martin
nodded again, tore himself away from the display, and left
for the bathroom. The sound of water running and loo flushing
was heard for a long while thereafter.
"Hmmmm
" Dan smiled at Vadim when they were on their own,
and he stepped in front of him, suede clad crotch pressing
into Vadim's cock, which made him inhale, deeply.
"Oh
fuck." Vadim reached for Dan's hips, pressing him closer
for a long moment, just the feeling of leather was good.
"Best
have a look at the toys, then, won't we?"
Dan let
go of Vadim, about to step to the box, when he turned back.
"And you better get naked yourself, aye?"
Vadim
glanced over towards the bathroom, unsure what his role would
be. They hadn't negotiated that. But then, they didn't need
to negotiate. He looked at Dan for a long moment, who smiled
at him, and trusted that Dan wouldn't go too far. Whatever
went on in his head. He sat down, shed the shoes, socks, jeans,
underwear, piled it up neatly, while Dan went through the
toys.
"Holy
shit." Dan let out under his breath. "I've never
seen gear like that." Pulling out restraints, leather
cuffs, harnesses, leather straps with hooks, buckles and metal
fastenings, collars with heavy buckles, some strange clamps
with what appeared to be weights, something else that made
no sense until he turned it over a couple of times and realised
they were two gags with black silicone mouth bits and holes
in them for breathing. Blindfolds and metal cuffs, some smaller
buckled gadgets that made no sense to him until he figured
out what the metal ring was supposed to do, and a whole arrangement
of dildos and butt plugs. Vadim watched him, but got the impression
that whatever would happen, Gordon and Martin had, in their
own ways, a few experiences more than they did.
"Holy
fuck." Dan turned to Vadim, the assortment laid out on
the table. "I think I missed something over the years."
Holding the small metal-ringed leather straps up. "And
I assume this is a cock ring, aye?"
"How
should I know?" Vadim gave a short laugh. "Faced
with all this stuff, I'm completely innocent." In Russian,
though, to not allow their hosts - sex partners to be - an
idea that neither Vadim nor truly Dan had a clue what they
were doing. He picked up something that looked like it belonged
on wrists: soft leather restraints that could be connected
with metal rings and carabiner hooks.
"Innocent."
Dan commented in Russian, switching fluently to English, "aye."
He grinned. "Any idea what this is for?" Holding
up the clamps.
Vadim
took them from his hand, examined the pressure with a finger,
noticed the blunted edges, like they were intended for something
tender. He nodded. "I know what I'd use them for. It's
a pair - two." He glanced down at his chest to give Dan
the idea.
Smirking,
with too many teeth on show, Dan took the clamps back and
carefully placed them on the table, then returned some of
the things to the box, including the collars, and kept an
assortment of restraints, the cock rings, and the gags on
display. He was exponentially fascinated with the dildos,
keeping all of them out on the table.
"Time
for another beer before they return." Opening a can,
Dan poured himself a pint after glancing at Vadim's glass,
still untouched. Patting the seat beside him, he sat back
on the sofa, enjoying his second pint as Vadim sat down next
to him, touching his thigh, hip, arm, shoulder. Dan leaned
closer, letting his hand run over the smooth skin of Vadim's
thighs, then groin, up to the chest, with Vadim's face twitching
as if he was trying to fight the lust at the touch, tried
to hold back. "Will you do what I tell you tonight?"
Dan murmured with growing huskiness, "or will you want
to be my 'partner'?"
Vadim
shook his head. "I have
no idea." Prime slave
material, he heard Darren again. How weird that it came back
up and kept echoing in his mind. "What
would turn
you on more? I think I could do either."
Dan leaned
closer, lips and tongue travelling along Vadim's shoulder,
neck, towards his face. "Are you mine?" Question
answered with question.
"I
am." Vadim turned enough to kiss Dan. Deeply,
passionately, just to show he was getting hungry for it, the
touches and images keeping his lust on a simmering level.
Hands running across Dan's naked chest, arms, to his powerful
neck, the wild hair. "I
will do what you tell
me", he murmured into Dan's ear. "Whatever that
is."
Dan smiled
against Vadim's skin, no words necessary, kissing his way
to Vadim's lips, deeply once more, possessively. He was still
kissing him, half leaning over Vadim, when the bathroom door
opened and the two guys came back out. Naked, freshly showered,
and sporting hard-ons. Stopping and staring at the two men
on their sofa.
Vadim
turned to look at them, old soldier reflexes demanded the
need to respond to a change in his environments. He looked
at the guys, appraising them. Not bad. They both worked out,
if less obsessively than both Dan and him. But he assumed
there was more competition to the gym in Glasgow, and they
didn't have the time to work out in every free minute like
they had done, all their lives. He gave them a nod, acknowledging
the men to put them at ease, and saw them glance at the toys
that were laid on the table - probably trying to assess what
Dan had in store for them. Only that Dan would most definitely
surprise them. Whatever you tell me, he thought and stood,
too, but Dan shook his head and smiled at him, patting the
sofa once more. Not you, the smile said, you are special.
"You."
Dan pointed to the two guys, standing up when Vadim sat down
again. "You wait here. Don't move. You'll be watched."
He turned and walked into the kitchen. Not hearing a sound,
he smiled to himself, as he closed the door behind him. Rummaging
through the kitchen drawers, he found what he was looking
for, and slipped it into the back of his trousers, feeling
the familiar chill at the small of his back.
When
he returned to the living room, he glanced at Vadim for a
moment, who sat on the sofa, legs spreads and one pulled up,
displaying the goods, as it were, then looked at the two guys.
"So," slowly stepping closer, "who owns this
flat, then?"
Gordon
met his gaze. "I do
Sir."
Vadim
inhaled, feeling his chest expand at the word. That word meant
so many things, far more than this Gordon probably knew.
Dan's
eyes widened, darker than before, but nothing else could have
warned the civilian. Except for Vadim, who'd have seen muscles
tense, the tiger ready for the kill. Dan moved, fluid motions,
a killer who had not lost his deadly skills, and the next
moment Gordon was grabbed from behind, hands pulled back,
the blade of the sharpest kitchen knife at his jugular.
"Well,
then
" Dan hissed, the body in his hands completely
frozen in shock, "and now we play prisoner!"
Vadim
was transfixed by the glint of steel against flushing skin,
the way Dan handled the strong body, and the way the man responded
to him, remaining hard. His lips twitched as Dan had borrowed
one of his phrases, again refreshing the memory of their own
prisoner 'games'.
Martin
was trying to move but Dan barked at him, "Down! Get
the fuck down and Do. Not. Move!"
Intimidated
by the shouting, Martin scrambled to his knees, then down,
flat on his stomach, as Dan kept shouting at him. Body tense,
Martin moved his hands to protect his head, shuddering, no
doubt with fear.
Vadim
licked his lips and he set the foot down to bend forward,
watching Dan easily handle two men.
"You!"
Order sharply barked at the man on the floor. "On your
knees, to the table. Bring back what Vadim is handing you."
Dan nodded to Vadim, not needing any words. They both knew
how to restrain a prisoner. They'd been there, done that,
and they'd do it again. Right now.
Gordon
was hardly breathing, his whole body flushed, heart hammering
against his chest. So strong, Dan could feel it, the man in
his arms like a puppet.
"Faster!"
As Martin crawled over on all fours.
Vadim
carefully selected the restraints - the leather cuffs - and
took a few moments to assemble and connect them, preparing
them to be used. No bruises from these ones, he thought. He
let them dangle in front of Martin's face, and, following
an impulse, he shook his head as Martin reached for them.
"With your teeth", he said, deceptively softly,
but he did hold them up so Martin could gather both in his
teeth and crawl back.
Vadim
looked at Dan, whose face had changed into a truly frightening
smile, and studied the beauty of a helpless man held in check
by a blade.
"Back
onto your belly." Dan's voice deceptively soft as he
felt Gordon's body sweat under his hands. Slick skin and frightened
heartbeat, and yet, when he shifted the blade in his hands,
dropping one hand down to Gordon's cock, he felt the hard-on.
The man had never softened, and Dan grinned.
Martin
dropped the restraints from his teeth and threw himself onto
his belly, lying quivering, with his hands behind his head.
"You
" softly whispered into Gordon's ear, "you
will now restrain him. Nice and tight."
Gordon
did not move, just breathing, frantic, shallow, as the knife
at his throat twisted gently.
"Do
you understand me?" Dan repeated, the blade pressing
closer into the throat. "Nod if you understand me!"
And Gordon
did, a miniature jerk, and only then did Dan let him go. Gordon
went to his knees, took Martin's hands, opened the restraints
and placed them around his lover's wrists. Tight, as requested,
but making sure he was still safe.
Vadim
watched him, lazily stroked himself to keep the arousal. Something
touching about one lover restraining the other, so Dan could
have his wicked ways. He gave a toneless laugh, part of him
knowing he was everything but immune to this.
Gordon
remained kneeling, head lowered, only shifting slightly to
remain at Dan's feet, but Dan did not touch him, instead pushed
the second set of restraints between Gordon's teeth, while
Martin remained flat on his belly.
"Get
over there." Softly, but when Gordon tried to get up,
he sharply ordered, "on your knees!" And Gordon
did, crawling over to Vadim, with the restraints in his mouth.
"Tie
him up." Dan smiled, the outline of his cock in the tight
leather trousers hard and obvious. "Then send him back
over to his lover."
Vadim
nodded, as Gordon already dropped the restraints at his feet.
"Nyet",
said Vadim, somewhat drawn out. "Into my hand."
Stretching out a hand, forcing Gordon to go down with his
teeth, pick them back up and push them in his hand, the man's
eyes burning with arousal and lust at the simple game, and
Vadim was tempted to pet his head. "Turn." The man
scrambled around, offering his wrists.
"Higher."
Gordon
bent down to offer his wrists closer to Vadim, who gingerly
fastened the restraints, and ran his fingers over Gordon's
tensed shoulders.
Dan had
got down onto one knee, the blade of the knife whispering
along Martin's spine. Rewarded with a drawn-out whimper, and
a shuddering of the body that started to sweat. "On all
fours." Dan murmured into Martin's ear. His voice gentle,
just allowing himself to go with whatever came to his mind.
"On all fours and legs spread. Arse in the air."
And Martin
did, shaking, but getting himself into the position that Dan
demanded, despite not having the support of his arms. His
cock as hard as Gordon's had been, he knelt like a dog. Head
low, face pressed against the floor, shoulders down, trying
to keep them off the ground, arse high, and thighs spread.
"Pretty."
Dan smiled, the dangerous smile of a predator, "don't
you think?" To Vadim, while the blade caressed Martin's
spread arse, causing his whimpers to intensify.
Vadim
nodded and spoke close to Gordon's ear. "I think he looks
very needy, your prisoner, Dan." The Russian accent really
now only there to fuck Gordon's mind. "Now, head on over
"
And Gordon
did, without hesitation, but with difficulty to keep himself
on his knees, his hands were bound in his back. Just like
his lover's, his cock was rock hard.
"Face
him." Dan ordered, softly, nudging Martin's head up from
the ground when Gordon came to a halt. Face to face, until
they touched each other. Held in the stress position by nothing
but the strength of their thigh muscles. The way Dan had arranged
them they were perfectly presented to Vadim on the couch.
"Kiss."
Dan murmured, when they didn't comply immediately, he delivered
a hard slap onto Martin's arse, who yelped, and Gordon reacted
the same way, his arse slapped hard by Dan's hand. "I
said, kiss! And don't dare to stop, whatever happens."
They
needed no more encouragement, desperately clinging onto the
other's lips while their bodies shook with the effort of staying
in the position, no hands to support themselves.
Dan grinned,
watched them for a moment, before slipping the knife back
into the waistband of his trousers. Walking over to the table,
he stopped in front of Vadim, who straightened again, gazing
up at Dan.
"Prepare
them." Dan smiled, tenderness in his voice despite the
order, as he took one of the dildos in his hand, "for
this."
Vadim
stood, picked up the lube, while Dan sat to take off shoes
and socks, but the skin-tight leather trousers stayed on.
He was the only one partially dressed, and he didn't know
why, just that it felt right.
The two
others were still kissing, just as ordered, and Vadim considered
who to 'prepare' first. Probably Gordon. He squirted some
of the cool stuff in his hand, nudged Gordon's legs further
apart with a bare foot, then brought the lubed up hand to
his ass, pushed a thumb in and felt the man shudder, but welcome
him. Gordon groaned as Vadim pushed more lube in with two
fingers, pushing them in and out, quickly, with power, which
made Gordon push back, clearly willing. The heat and tightness
inviting, clean, prepared. Vadim grinned at Dan. "This
one's ripe." He slapped Gordon's ass, harshly, after
he'd pulled out, and Dan grinned in reply, picking up a 'toy'
of his choice. Two butt plugs, or, dildos to his mind, that
would stay where they were supposed to stay.
Vadim
then moved over to Martin, who tensed when he pushed in, none
too tender. Pushing deep and hard with the slicked up fingers,
using less lube in this case, which elicited another yelp
from the younger guy. "Don't worry, you'll get fucked
well tonight", he said to Martin, added more lube and
again pushed in and out, with strength, really just to prepare
him and drive home the humiliation. "Yes?"
"Yes
Sir", Martin managed to get out, but he'd forgotten
about the order and Dan, who was standing between Gordon's
legs.
"Did
I tell you to stop kissing?" Dan demanded.
"N
no,
Sir!"
"Punish
him." Dan murmured, looking at Vadim, dark eyes as intense
as the day he'd cut a word into flesh. "make him feel
it, and make him watch in return. Make them understand they
are doing this to their lover." Holding the second butt
plug out to Vadim, who took it, still behind Martin.
"You
heard him", Vadim whispered into Martin's ear, as he
slicked up the toy that felt quite thick in his hand, thick
and heavy, and positioned it at the younger guy's ass. He'd
have loved to fuck him now, to 'punish', yes, hard and fast,
and his breath accelerated. Slowly pressing in, Martin tried
to pull back, but Vadim held him down with the other hand,
almost doubled him over with pure strength until Martin very
nearly kissed the floor. Ass bared, helpless, open to the
assault, and Vadim relished the shudder and the way the guy's
breath sounded forced as the dildo went in. Deep, against
resistance and probably causing discomfort, but Vadim understood
well how he would welcome that pain of being stretched and
taken. And, he was right, Martin did push back eventually,
with gritted teeth, until the thing was firmly lodged inside.
Gordon,
too, cried out when the dildo was forced inside his body,
breaching a hardly prepared muscle. Dan pulled back and pushed
deeper, getting fucked mercilessly by the makeshift cock,
until the thick girth was embedded as deeply in the tense
body as it could. Staying there, held in place by the tight
muscle itself.
Vadim
looked up to Dan, eyes resting for a moment on Dan's cock
inside the tight leather. Half breathless, half expectant,
lips and throat dry again. "Sir?"
Dan smiled,
a sudden recognition, a moment of eyes and soul laid bare
and open. Mountains. Heat. Blood. Blades. Mercy and want.
Dust and desert. A lifetime of extremes.
"Sit
down." To Vadim, who sat back, also on his knees now,
but still free to move his hands. Turning to the others, who
were struggling to stay on their knees. "Keep him hard.
Kiss, suck, lick. Don't touch, don't
" suddenly
a thought, "don't look."
Glancing
at Vadim, who seemed surprised, especially as Gordon dipped
down to lick his cock, which made Vadim groan, made him want
to take Gordon's head and impale him on his cock. It took
all his willpower not to do that, especially as Martin went
down, too, both men licking and sucking, but none quite taking
him in. Vadim's lips opened and he tried hard not to move.
Closed his eyes, couldn't bear watching them run their tongues
down his length, especially when Martin went up his body,
taking his nipple between his teeth, expertly sucking and
chewing.
Dan went
to the table and retrieved the blindfolds. "Here
"
as if he were cooing to a dog, "come here
pretty
men
" He stood near to Vadim, who turned his head,
eyes closed, reaching for Dan's leg and pulled him closer,
unable to speak, as every word would betray he was getting
desperate. Martin and Gordon looked up, and Dan knotted the
blindfolds over their eyes.
"Suck
him." He ordered. "Kiss him. Worship his body, but
Do. Not. Make. Him. Cum." And he stepped away, watching.
Vadim
almost jumped to his feet when suddenly a hot mouth opened
for his cock. Slowly, so very slowly taking him in, while
lips were pressed to his. He didn't care which one of them,
didn't want to look at them, was just kissed, and tasted.
The other guy's need obvious, hunger and tenderness merging.
It was really too much - no way he could even look at Dan,
or protest, as the sensations threatened to just overwhelm
him. He found a straining cock, pumping whichever of the two,
and felt them press close, taking turns sucking him incredibly,
excruciatingly slowly. "Dan
"
"No."
Softly. "No mercy." Whispered, lightly slapping
Vadim's hand away from the guys' cocks, while a blade ghosted
across Vadim's throat, which made him freeze, and shudder.
Just the memory of knife, and Dan, and heat, while both guys
were now on his cock and balls. Vadim felt his control slip,
felt he was starting to lose it, all he wanted was to cum,
and be fucked, ideally both. He stretched his throat and groaned
as one of those cunning bastards sucked on his balls.
"Do
you want to get fucked?" Dan whispered in Russian. Lips
caressing Vadim's ear.
"Yes."
In English. Vadim couldn't beg, but he was ready to beg, would
have begged.
"Do
you want to be on all fours, being watched?" Still Russian.
Would
you suck me off if you could?
Vadim
winced, dizzy with lust, interrogator and Dan moving into
one, but he was too far gone to be scared, or nervous, or
even ashamed. Dan. Safe. Whatever happened. He opened his
lips, moaned as he felt teeth on his balls, and nodded, just
that. Nodded again, wanted to say yes, but didn't trust his
voice.
"Then
don't
move
" Russian once more.
"No."
Not that he could.
Dan didn't
interfere with the two guys, still blindly sucking, kissing
and licking, went to the box instead. His hand hovered over
leather and steel, glancing back at Martin and Gordon, before
a slow smile spread across his face. That would do it, and
nicely so. He returned to the tableau, slipping a leather
collar around Martin's throat first, who groaned, but did
not dare to make any other sound. Dan pulled the buckle snug,
closed it, then did the same to Gordon, who was tensing, but
like Martin, merely let out a suppressed sound while continuing
to lick Vadim's balls, with Vadim flushed and sweating, taut
with lust.
Dan leaned
down, fixed a carabiner hook onto each of the D rings on the
collars, then looked at Vadim with a smile, who met his gaze,
unsteady as the sensations were threatening to wash him away,
but unable to cum from this treatment.
"Watch
" Dan hooked his fingers into the back of the collars
and pulled the men away from Vadim, who shuffled unsteady
on their knees. Arranging the men to face each other, still
blindfolded, he stroked their sweat damp hair briefly. "Aren't
they pretty? I wonder how much they love each other
and I think I'm going to find out."
Vadim
cleared his throat, knew that breathing was the answer, like
with any kind of pressure, or pain. Breathing was the key,
and he fought hard to keep it under control, but he wanted
to cum, badly. "They are
pretty." And they
were. Both men looked very nearly the same now. Short, sweaty
hair, their personalities washed away by the primal response
to lust, their features made anonymous by the blindfolds.
Dan smiled
once more, his lips twisting into a grin after a moment, when
he went back to the table and picked up a few items before
returning to Gordon's back. "They'll be even prettier
"
Pushing
his thumb into the corner of the man's mouth, who was forced
to open it, Dan pushed the gag between Gordon's lips and teeth.
Securing the leather straps with a buckle in the back of the
head. Gordon whimpered, a suppressed sound, as breath hissed
through the breathing hole in the gag.
"What
do you think about him, isn't he even better now?" Dan
murmured, looking at Vadim as he walked into Martin's back,
repeating the treatment. Vadim stared, his throat tight just
from watching Dan apply the gags, and his easy way of keeping
the men under control. Not a moment of hesitation, nor shame.
Both
men gagged, Dan pulled metal items out of his pocket. "Too
curious to find out what those are like
"
Bending
down, but never obscuring Vadim's vision, Dan fitted the first
of the clamps onto Martin's nipple, who let out a tortured
whimper, but his cock jerked nevertheless. Vadim couldn't
help watch their reaction, notice how they enjoyed it, how,
again, discomfort and lust mixed. Dan gave these out so easily.
Continuing without a word, Dan finished Martin, then went
onto Gordon, who was trembling and visibly straining to try
and understand what was going on, but soon enough the clamps
were biting into his swollen nipples, and he breathed harshly,
body covered in a sheen of sweat, and Vadim winced in sympathy.
Regarding
his work, Dan stood back, glanced at the two men who were
kneeling opposite each other, before he walked back to the
chest. "With those as the finishing touch?" Picking
up the cockrings made of leather and steel.
They
were beautiful things, perfect, and Vadim nodded, fighting
hard to get even a semblance of reason. "What
what are you planning?"
"For
them to watch you." Dan's smile didn't seem entirely
sane, as he waved Vadim over, holding the cockrings out to
him. "But first
fix them." They might not
have seen such things before, but they weren't ex special
forces for nothing.
Handing
the leather and steel items over, Dan leaned down between
the two men, commenting quietly, "that would look so
much better without hair. Shame we haven't got time to shave
you
" Resulting in a violent jerk by Gordon, which
brought the collar closer to Dan's hand and he took the hook
in one. Martin's whimper stopped abruptly, when he took the
hook of that collar in the other, and pulled him sharply closer.
Vadim
shuddered, the build-up killed him, and he'd thought a shift
in the Iraqi desert was bad. This was much worse. At work,
he had to focus, and time passed quickly when he was focussing,
but this, while it couldn't have been going for longer than
half an hour, killed him. He reached for Martin's cock first,
pulling him close by his cock and slipping the thing over
the hot flesh, pumping him once, twice, for good measure.
Then over to Gordon, who turned his face blindly towards him
as Vadim fixed the cock ring as well, feeling the man shiver
with need when he touched him and rolled his balls in his
hand.
"You're
lovers, aye? It's time to prove it." Hooking the carabiners
together, Dan caused the helpless men's faces to touch each
other, unable to kiss, the thick leather of the heavy gags
preventing any contact.
Vadim
remained on his hands and knees, watched the two guys, close
but powerless, and couldn't help but want them. Them, Dan,
anyone, really. He'd fuck either of them, or Dan, but that
was out of the question. He'd get fucked, and he hoped it
would be by Dan. But, truth be told, it didn't matter all
that much right now - anybody would do, as horny as he was.
Dan looked
intensely at Vadim, the heat rising with every heartbeat.
Impossibly hot, unbelievably ready. This, here, for which
he didn't have a name yet, it was driving him half insane
with lust. Something inside of him, though, remained strangely
detached and cool, knowing exactly what he was doing, which
steps to take. Each second of control, every suppressed whimper,
and each touch of sweat-slicked skin felt right.
Hands
on the blindfolds, Dan leaned down, his husky voice a mere
whisper. "Watch
" and as the blindfold came
off, the two guys tried to move their heads, but their collars
were hooked so closely together, they could only move in tiny
increment and in perfect sync.
The moment
Dan stepped over to Vadim, his whole attention was on his
lover, ignoring the others. Nudging Vadim until he knelt on
all fours, cock hard, weeping, as hard as it could possibly
be.
"Have
you got any idea how fucking perfect you are?" Dan's
husky voice washed over feverish skin. Retrieving the lube,
he took his time to caress Vadim's head, face, his neck, moving
so close, his leather clad crotch nuzzled into Vadim's face,
and Vadim opened his lips to trace Dan's cock with his teeth,
ready to take it, lips, ass, both.
"Show
me. Fuck me. Fuck me, Sir." The last sentence was spoken
rough, gentle, with a hint of humour but no less intention.
"I
will
soldier." Dan caressed Vadim's face, before
stepping between his legs that opened further. Cold lube on
his hand, he took his time preparing Vadim, who pushed back
with every motion as slow, sure, fingers opened him and slicked
him up, while the bound onlookers were making small suppressed
noises, desperately trying to see everything.
The fingers
were a good start, Vadim thought, but they didn't move deep
enough, not enough power, not nearly enough force. He lowered
his head, stared at the floor underneath without seeing anything,
focussed on his ass, Dan's fingers, and what he needed, above
all.
Dan opened
his fly, allowing his hard cock to spring free at last, then
reached to his back, pulled the knife out, almost in an afterthought.
The blade whispered along Vadim's spine, who immediately understood
what it was. Remembering the knife, and his body froze, especially
as the cool tip lay in the hollow of the small of his back,
as Dan positioned his lubed-up cock. "Ready, soldier?"
Knife,
'soldier', the knife was there, but not dangerous, more like
a promise, or was it? Vadim didn't mind either way, if Dan
wanted to cut him, alright, he'd take it, as long as he finally
fucked him. "Yes, Sir", he breathed.
And Dan
did, knowing each other so well, he knew exactly what Vadim
could take, how fast, how deep, and always a bit more. Pushing
further and harder to go beyond well known limits, Vadim met
him with every thrust. Legs spread wide, tensing to add friction,
and that pain of being stretched like that, but he was really
beyond pain. Dan fit him so well, still using so much strength
that Vadim could feel every thrust in his bones, groaning
harshly when Dan got him just right, his body tensing in a
futile attempt to achieve orgasm.
Dan groaned,
feeling the eyes of the bound guys fixed onto them. Fucking
Vadim, but never quite fast enough, never touching, never
quite hard enough, never enough for Vadim to cum, while Dan
got closer and closer.
Vadim
was soaked in sweat, getting so desperate he was close to
try taking those thrusts just with one hand on the floor,
finishing himself off, but he wouldn't have the balance, not
with Dan's strength. Desperate, and getting worse, the arousal
approaching anguish. "Dan
Sir."
But Dan
laughed, a short, breathless sound, and slowed down, no matter
how difficult it was. His own body thrumming, sweat running
down his temples, down to the small of his back. Control,
not just over the others, but over himself as well.
Vadim
shuddered, bit his lips not to beg. Didn't want to beg, but
into that struggle he heard Dan's voice. "Come here
"
to the others, who laboured hard to shuffle closer, while
Dan moved within Vadim. Tiny increments, as slow as he could
without screaming in frustration, and, again, making it worse
for Vadim who'd have done anything to force him, force his
release. The two men reached them at last, and while Dan's
cock remained buried deep inside Vadim's arse, he unsnapped
the gag bits that had been kept in place, pulling them from
between desperately clenched teeth. "Get him off."
Two faces staring at him, jaws half-hidden by black leather,
but mouths free, necks locked together. "He's clean.
Suck him. Cock, balls." Pulling out, slowly so slowly,
until he remained poised, merely the head still clenched by
Vadim's arse. "Get him off!"
A strangled
groan came from Vadim at that order, his cock twitched, but
still not enough. A hair's breadth away, impossibly close
and yet not enough. Martin and Gordon scrambled to obey, strangled
sounds from their throats as they managed to somehow get beneath
Vadim, despite bound hands and the collars pulling viciously
on each other's throats as they moved. Dan knew when their
mouths had reached their goal, because Vadim's whole body
shuddered, and he slammed that very second back inside. That
was too much, the added sensation, that exact moment brought
Vadim over the edge, with one mouth on his cock and sucking,
another mouth busy with his balls - it wouldn't have been
enough to get him there on their own, but that thrust did
it, pulled the trigger, and with a strangled half moan half
cry, Vadim came, thrust towards the other's faces, the motions
near powerless, pure reflex.
Dan rode
into the mindless release, letting lose and casting away control.
Forgetting about anything but the body beneath his hands and
the tight heat clenched around his cock, convulsing. Only
a few more thrusts, and he crunched his eyes shut for a moment,
tensed until all muscles stood taut, and came, deep inside
Vadim, the sensation breathtaking.
Pulling
out, Dan fought to regain his breath, but the first words,
while his hands were still on Vadim's hips, caressing, were
as sharp as before. "Get back!"
Martin
and Gordon fell over when they tried to obey, struggling to
get back onto their knees, but unable to find their balance.
The two men were a heap of limbs and desperate sounds, their
cocks so thick and hard, their balls so dark in colour, they
seemed close to exploding.
Dan hadn't
tucked himself in yet, when he leaned close to Vadim, kissed
the shivering body, thighs, buttocks, base of the spine, which
relaxed under the caresses. Vadim sank down to lie there,
stretched out, unable and certainly unwilling to move.
Dan returned
to the others, spent cock in his open fly. He didn't say anything
as he pulled them back up to kneel once more. Ignoring the
others, he turned his head to smile at Vadim, who regarded
him, head tilted his way, glancing over his arm that lay close
to his face. Dan's voice was tender, "get washed up when
you're ready. I'll follow shortly."
Once
the guys knelt once more, face to face, whimpering at the
way the weights pulled on tender nipples, Dan retrieved the
gags. He didn't use force this time, simply murmured with
a sated voice, "take them." And they did. Mouths
opened willingly to allow the gags back between their teeth,
Dan snapped them shut, the blindfolds following.
Vadim
closed his eyes for a moment, acknowledging the order, but
didn't want to move, not just yet. Breathing for a little
while, he slowly managed to get his hands on the floor and
pushed himself up, into a crouch. Then standing, ass sore,
but feeling great, tired, sated, he managed to find the bathroom.
Dan looked
down at Martin and Gordon with that odd smile, caressing each
head and the short damp hair, before he followed Vadim into
the bathroom.
Inside,
Vadim just flushed the toilet and started the water. He filled
his hands with the cool, clean liquid and washed his face,
running a wet hand across his neck, down to his pecs, then
looked around. "I
" Seeing Dan, he stopped,
and smiled. "Adore you."
Dan was
about to laugh at the words, but the laughter got stuck in
his throat and he tilted his head, smiling. "Why?"
Reaching for the tap with hot water to clean himself up.
Vadim
only stepped out of the way enough to allow Dan to wash himself,
lips finding Dan's hot skin, smelling the fresh sweat, and
his hair. "Because
you can make this stop."
Vadim touched his temple. "You can kill all thoughts,
all memories."
Dan shut
the tap off, dried his cock and tucked himself back in, biding
his time. Turning back to Vadim, he raised his hand and touched
the temple at the same place, caressing the short hair. "All
bad memories?"
Vadim
leaned in to kiss Dan's wrist. "Everything. Those, too.
I don't care about them anymore, and then they're gone."
He placed a hand on Dan's ass and pulled him close and around
enough, to kiss him. "You
" he murmured, "would
blank out the sun, Dan. Everything."
Allowing
himself to be kissed, Dan held Vadim close, stroking the smooth
skin, before pulling back a little, murmuring, "I think
we can have a lot more fun with those two guys."
"Oh,
I'm sure."
Dan winked,
placing another kiss onto Vadim's lips. "And I know exactly
what I want to do to them. As I asked before, how much do
they love each other?"
"Yes?"
"Well,
they're going to ask themselves that question tonight."
Dan grinned, stepping away, but his hands remained connected
with Vadim. "When we get back, I want you to remain silent
when I separate them, and make sure the blindfolds stay on.
Take Martin and prepare him on the couch. I bet those bound
arms in his back are going to kill the guy. Civilians and
all that." Dan flashed his teeth in an evil grin.
Vadim
laughed. "Okay. I think I'll manage. And then? What's
your plan?"
"I
want him on his back, legs up and open, find something to
restrain him, because you're going to fuck him with their
nice selection of dildos, since they seem to be so fond of
them
"
Vadim
briefly closed his eyes, grinning. "Poor bastards. And
they've been really nice to us. Especially to me."
"But
that's what they want." Dan smiled with another tilt
of his head. "And because of that we are extremely nice
to them by doing what we'll be doing. Aye?" He patted
Vadim's buttock.
"Aye."
"Since
Gordon seems to react that much to knife and danger, he'll
get what he wants, too." Dan winked, then opened the
door, placing a finger onto his lips before they stepped out
of the bathroom.
The two
guys were still kneeling in almost the same way as before,
their bodies under extreme tension. Dan nodded to Vadim, then
stepped to the bound men and unhooked the collars, before
turning away. Vadim moved in, placed his fingers between Martin's
throat and his collar and pulled him with him. Martin doubtlessly
thought it was Dan, and followed, insecure in his movements
like he was expecting to collide with something, but Vadim
just pulled him towards the couch.
Gordon's
head was going wildly into all directions, trying to gauge
what was happening, but Martin's presence was gone.
Wordlessly,
Vadim nudged Martin onto the couch, then held him there for
a moment, by his shoulders. "Don't move", Vadim
said tonelessly against Martin's ear, then rifled through
the box. There were leather restraints and more stuff. He
saw something like ankle cuffs, but that wasn't quite what
he was looking for. A moment's thought as he worked through
the kind of thing he needed, and, sure enough, found it in
the box. It was a leather piece, long, with two hoops that
could be tightened, and Vadim slipped the hoops around Martin's
legs, up over his knees, then pulled the middle part over
Martin's nice, toned neck, before he took mercy and uncuffed
Martin's wrists. "Don't move", he warned again,
just as tonelessly, discarding the cuffs for a moment. "Lie
down, on your back."
Martin
lay down on the couch, struggling to orientate himself, moving
very carefully, but then lay down. Vadim got between his legs,
adjusted the leather straps that brought Martin's legs up,
close to his chest, the weight of his legs supported by his
neck. Vadim caressed the straining cock, gathered a drop of
precum from the tip and rubbed it all around the crown. Martin
whimpered, but Vadim walked around him and merely put the
cuffs back on, in the front this time. There was nothing he
could fix him to, which was a shame, and Vadim frowned, thinking
if there was a way around it. There was another long leather
strip, with a carabiner hook and he connected the cuffs again,
pulled the arms up over Martin's head, and hooked the cuffs
to the strip which he tied around the couch leg, shortening
the strap to stretch Martin out and curve his back nicely.
Dan was
watching, eyes fixed on the sight, and something deep, dark
and full of lust once again stirred inside of him. The sight,
the helplessness, and a body laid out for whatever they were
going to dish out on it. He walked to the table, Gordon's
head following the sound, but unable to make anything out.
Dan picked up the lube and chose a dildo from the selection,
by no means small and he wouldn't go near Vadim with that
thing, but those guys seemed to be well into that sort of
play. He stooped to pick up his knife, then handed dildo and
lube to Vadim, grinning at him like a predator. "Take
out his butt plug, and prepare him to get fucked with that
thing." Dan whispered tonelessly in Russian, for only
Vadim to hear, adding, "but don't make him come!"
Then walked back to stand behind Gordon, who was getting more
and more agitated and whimpered into his gag.
Vadim
glanced at the size and thought that would take quite a bit
of work, then nodded to Dan. He ran a finger around Martin's
stretched muscle that kept the dildo inside, which caused
more shuddering breaths, and shifting, but there was very
little Martin could do in that stance. The sound when Vadim
freed the dildo and pulled it out - slowly, working mostly
with the natural resistance of Martin's body, was unlike any
before. Like Martin expected the torture to end now, and welcomed
that, and, at the same time, really wanted it back. Vadim
looked over at Dan, grinned when he saw the downright unpleasant
expression in Dan's eyes, a kind of fierce satisfaction.
Vadim
put the plug away, squeezed plenty of lube into his hand,
rubbing it into the reddened, stretched ass, doubtlessly cool
and cooling, and at the same time promising more. He reached
for another dildo on the table, in size between the one Dan
had given him and the one that he'd just removed, and slid
it in, in one quick motion, making Martin groan and tense,
resist as he was stretched further.
Gordon
tried to talk into the gags, desperate sounds as his head
moved towards the sofa, clearly disturbed by his partner's
groans. The cock ring ensured that his hard-on remained as
before, despite the obvious agitation. Dan did nothing, though,
stood absolutely still, while watching the guy on the couch
being used and wanting more. Oddly touched by Vadim's choice
of the smaller dildo, and wondering if he had been too reckless,
but the way Martin pushed towards the intrusion, his cock
and balls almost purple, the frantic sounds he was making,
he knew there wasn't a limit. Not yet, not even close.
But Vadim's
merciful stroke ended when Martin had fully accepted that
size - that was when he lost the dildo, again to be left empty
and needy, as Vadim moved to the bigger size, the one Dan
had given him. Pressure and moving slowly, but, much like
Dan sometimes did, with no mercy, no hesitation, giving Martin
only the choice to take it. He winced at the size and the
way it made Martin look, shameless and degraded in complete
abandon, taking the huge thing.
Dan still
did nothing, watching, allowing the heat to pool in his guts
once more, until Gordon twitched when Martin let out a particularly
desperate noise, trying to shuffle towards them. That was
when Dan struck, lightening fast like before, the killer once
more on the prowl and killing his prey. In one fluid motion
jerking Gordon up in a choke hold, pulling the blindfold off
the disorientated man, and pressing the blade against his
throat. Almost breaking skin, right beneath the collar. "Keep
still!" Dan hissed, and the body in his arms froze.
Vadim
glanced over, a wicked grin at Gordon's obvious panic, and
he pushed the dildo in harder, smiling at Gordon with something
like glee. He was fucking this guy's partner, and they all
enjoyed the sight.
"Look
at him." Dan murmured, hardly above a whisper, and yet
his voice seemed loud in a room where nothing but Martin's
hissing breath was heard, as he frantically breathed through
his nose. "Look closely at your lover. Look how that
thing enters his body. Look how his arse is stretched."
Gordon's eyes widened even more and his whole body shuddered,
no matter how hard he tried to keep himself under control,
with the blade an all too real threat. "We can fuck your
lover until he goes insane with need, and never allow him
to cum. Or we can grant him release." Shifting the grip
of the knife handle, the blade pushed harder against the throat,
and yet Dan handled it with that much perfection, it never
broke skin. Nevertheless Gordon didn't dare to swallow. "I
asked you before ... I ask you again. How much do you love
him?" Pausing, while Martin let out choked screams behind
the gag. "Do you love him enough to bleed for him? Do
you love him enough to convince us to let him cum?"
Vadim
saw every muscle on Gordon's body stand out at the question,
the man's eyes wide, rolling like that of cattle trapped in
a thunderstorm, as he clearly thought he'd get his throat
cut in exchange for Martin's release. Dan had a way to put
mortal fear into a man, part the knife, part his voice. Gordon
shook so hard he'd need a steadying hand soon, as he said
something against the gag, something that was pleading, and
tears came to his eyes as he tried to nod and
agreed.
"Seems
you love him enough." Dan nodded to Vadim, a strangely
tender expression on his face, which was almost immediately
replaced by vicious lust, as Vadim set about making Martin
cum. Martin, who was screaming into his gag, as if trying
to stop this insanity and keep his lover from sacrificing
himself, but his body had other thoughts. He was too helpless,
too far gone, and too lost in pleasure and pain as Vadim drove
the dildo in harder and faster now, absolutely positive that
Martin could take no more, then, with the dildo deep inside,
he took Martin's cock in his hand, unwilling to suck him off.
It didn't take more than one strong, hard, slick stroke to
make Martin scream mindlessly into the gag, hips moving, cock
twitching and shooting his load. Across his chest, over Vadim's
hand, very nearly passing out, while Vadim carefully removed
the dildo.
Gordon
was crying and whimpering, held up in Dan's arms, his body
both tense and shaking, cold sweat rolling down his skin,
as the blade whispered once, twice, across his throat. Dan
applied more pressure into the choking hold, leaning down
without Gordon realising, whose eyes had rolled back into
his head. He was paralysed with fear, clearly convinced he
was about to die, when Dan's hand touched him, took his cock.
Vadim,
still between Martin's legs, watched how Dan's hand brought
Gordon off with one single touch. The stimulation was so extreme,
Gordon nearly passed out when he convulsed. The blade left
his throat while he came, and the arms that had been merciless
before, were keeping him now in a secure embrace, gently lowering
the shuddering body to the ground, where Dan knelt beside
him.
"Time
to get you two some quality time together, hm?" He murmured,
immediately starting to strip the toys off the trembling man,
who hadn't quite cottoned on that he wasn't dead and had just
had the most mind-blowing orgasm ever. Vadim did the same
for Martin, removing the straps, clamps, the gag, too, and
felt a strange tenderness that made him lean over the young
man and wipe his face, caressing him, the jawline, the thundering
pulse under the skin. Alive, blown away.
"Aye,
I guess these two should go into the bedroom", Vadim
murmured.
Dan smiled,
crouching down to take Gordon's collar off, caressing the
throat as he did, and smiling at the tear streaked face when
Gordon finally opened his eyes. "You really did think
I'd kill you." He murmured, before giving in to the impulse
and kissing the man, whose lips moved against his, as if Dan
still owned him. "Silly civilians." Whispered, before
he came back up and helped Gordon to sit, taking the restraints
off the wrists, before helping him to move across to his lover.
"You
" Gordon's voice was rough and dry, "you didn't
"
Dan shook
his head and placed a finger onto his lip to hush the other.
"It's what you wanted."
Gordon
stared incredulously at him, but finally lowered his eyes
and nodded once. They reached the couch the moment Vadim lowered
Martin's legs. It took a moment before the younger man regained
some coherence, turned his head and looked at Gordon, smiling
feebly. Dan didn't think he'd ever seen anything quite so
emotional, when Gordon wrapped his arms around his partner,
caressing each other's faces with their own.
Vadim
moved back, as silently as if he'd had to leave the vicinity
of a guard out on patrol. He went into the bathroom and poured
hot water over two towels, wrung them, then rolled them up,
and took two dry towels, too.
"Well."
Dan cleared his throat, but forgot to say whatever he had
meant to say, instead opening a couple of the remaining beer
cans. Pushing one into each of the men's hands. "Guess
you're thirsty, aye?"
Vadim
returned a few moments later and handed one damp towel each
to the guys, and one dry, giving them time to clean up after
they'd quenched their thirst. The living room was a mess,
but Vadim supposed they'd done that before. He slipped into
his jeans and sat down on the other couch - the one that didn't
have Martin and Gordon all over each other, shaken, tender,
and he looked at Dan. Like they'd been when their soldiering
had cut too close to the bone. For his part, he couldn't help
but smile, a tired, sated smile that betrayed there was no
darkness left in him. Right now, he was a man who relished
in being sated and tired, with nothing haunting him.
Dan smiled
back, giving a small nod before he got up from his crouching
position. Walking over to Vadim, he let the guys clean each
other up. He sat on his heels between Vadim's legs, looking
up. "Guess we should be leaving, aye?" His arms
went around Vadim's waist.
Vadim
regarded him from under heavy lids, cool blue eyes serene
and placid. "Four is big for any bed", he murmured.
"Three works, four is plenty. And I'm tired."
"But
did you enjoy it?" Barely murmured, ignoring the whisper
from the couch when he added, impossible to be overheard by
the others. "Before you ask, I have no idea where all
of that came from."
Vadim
flashed a quick smile. "I do, Dan. I know where that's
from." He shook his head, still smiling. "You had
it with you all the time. Maybe we haven't changed all that
much?"
Dan tensed,
his eyes searching Vadim's. "Are you saying I'm back
in the mountains, cutting your flesh?"
Vadim
shook his head. "I'm saying it takes a lot of strength
to control a man, body and soul. Get into his head. Fuck his
mind. You fucked mine. You fucked three guys tonight, Dan."
Vadim raised a hand and touched the side of Dan's face, who
smiled, pulling him closer. "But you no longer destroy."
"I'm
bloody glad I
grew up." Dan's smile became even
more tender, tilting his head to touch Vadim's forehead with
his own.
Vadim
switched to Russian. "But I don't doubt for an instant
that Gordon would have cum if you had cut his throat."
A low
chuckle escaped his throat and Dan's smile turned into a grin.
"There is that, and it reminds me of a certain Russkie."
Lifting his head, he smirked with all of his teeth on show.
"Wouldn't
have been the worst possible death
" Vadim grinned
back and yawned before reaching down to find his socks and
shoes, forcing Dan to let go of the contact. He put them on,
then stood to pick up his jumper, while Dan stretched, standing,
looking for his top.
"Fuck.
Call us a taxi back? I could use some shut-eye." Vadim
gave another glance at the guys, who were still hugging and
kissing, and would probably not stop for a long while yet.
"Or maybe there were taxis in front of that pub?"
Dan was
about to say something when Martin lifted his head and shifted
on the couch with a wince, until he got into a sitting position.
In discomfort, but smiling. So sated, he looked as if he'd
drop off any second. "Wait. We'd just like to say something."
Dan slipped
the jumper over his head and raised his brows, questioningly.
"Aye,"
Gordon nodded. "This was the most amazing thing ever.
So fucking amazing, it blew our minds. Martin and I
"
The younger
guy took over, "we were wondering if you are going to
come back by any chance? If we could meet again?"
Vadim
grinned. "That's Dan
an instant success."
He gave another laugh, shaking his head, deeply amused. Of
course Dan was irresistible. Mad Dog Dan, the reckless SAS
bastard. He looked almost mockingly at Dan, who was scratching
his head. "I guess we'll come through this city on the
way back." If you want them. I'm game.
"Well
" Dan fished for his fags, absolutely desperate
by now, but he hadn't seen any ashtrays, and smoking hadn't
been on his mind. "Aye, we could come back here. We're
off to the Highlands tomorrow, for about a week or so, and
then back down along the East Coast, before heading into England.
That's
" checking his watch and the dates, "two
weeks, so we could be back here by the following weekend."
One and a half weeks, plenty of time.
"Great!"
Martin grinned from ear to ear, and Gordon nodded. "How
much time do you have?"
Dan glanced
at Vadim, "what do you mean?"
"You
could stay the weekend." Gordon ventured, "you know
" hesitating, "24/7."
"24/7
what?"
"Us."
Dan glanced
at Vadim again, this time his eyes had widened in an almost
comical display of 'not getting it'.
Martin
added, helpfully, when Dan didn't reply. "Slaves. For
a weekend. We like to be, like, dominated. You know ..."
"Oh."
It took Dan a while before the grin returned to his surprised
face, and he looked at Vadim, switching to Russian again.
"Do you want that? A game of more than a couple of hours?"
"They
ask so nicely for it", murmured Vadim. "And yes,
I'd try this again." He moved over to Dan, placing a
hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. "No problem."
"OK."
Dan nodded. "We'll be back." His grin was answered
by both men, and Gordon got up with some effort, walking over
to a sideboard to fish for pen and paper, scribbling down
their address and phone number.
"It's
a deal, aye?" Handing the paper to Dan, who pocketed
the address.
"Aye,
we'll call the day before."
Smiling,
Gordon held his hand out to both of them in a touchingly formal
way. "Thank you. Oh, and do you want a taxi?"
"Cheers,
but I'm fucking starving, will grab a kebab on the way to
town and get one there."
"Alright."
Gordon smiled and shook Vadim's hand, who held it with both
his for a moment, while Martin waved from the sofa, quite
happy to stay where he was without having to move.
"Before
I forget." Dan turned back, already on his way to the
door, fag packet in hand, "where did you get those toys
from?"
"Those?"
Gordon grinned, holding up his hand that showed faint red
rings where the restraints had dug in while he'd struggled.
"It's mail order, hang on, I get the catalogue for you."
Retrieving it from a stack of magazines near the telly, he
came back and handed Dan a colourful printed mag, quite thick
as well. "We got the latest issue, but this one will
do, they still have everything in stock."
"Cheers
again." Dan grinned like a shark once more, rolling the
catalogue up to stash it in the inside pocket of his jacket.
Vadim
gave a silent laugh. Mail order torture. The thought was bizarre.
Dan had had a taste of blood, and he assumed Dan would read
this cover to cover.
"Best
we're off, or we'll be falling asleep on our feet. Not that
young anymore." Dan laughed as he waited for Vadim to
get through the door. "Until the following weekend."
He turned his head, "and
thanks." Smiling,
he closed the door behind them.
Vadim
didn't speak until they were outside in the dark, and he wanted
nothing but put an arm around Dan's waist and get manoeuvred
back to the hotel. Instead, he walked close, arm every now
and then touching Dan's. "Strange. Didn't speak more
than fifty words with them, all told, but I liked them."
"Aye,"
Dan nodded, leading them back to the centre, he stopped in
front of a brightly lit kebab place. "You never know,
we might get ourselves a strange set of weird friends in our
old age."
"You
have a talent for making friends
" Dan truly had.
But that was alright. One of them had to be good with people.
Dan laughed
and looked as if he were about to kiss Vadim, before he pulled
himself back and ventured into the chippie to get a large
portion of doner kebab, and some for Vadim. Vadim wolfed the
food down, which made him even more tired, stumbling across
a taxi just a little later.
That
night, once they were back in the hotel, they slept dreamless
and deep. Embracing each other and staying close, as close
as anyone could get.
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